


Will You Stay?

by Justacami



Category: Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF, blake shelton - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Shefani - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23576995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justacami/pseuds/Justacami
Summary: The backyard was empty and quiet, although Los Angeles never seemed to really be this way. He was getting so used to nights like that since his life took a complete turn, that he didn’t even feel like crying anymore.She was more than just heartbroken, she was feeling empty, frustrated, enraged and so deeply sad that she just didn’t know how to find her way out of her depression. And it was finally out of her hands, she couldn’t try to fix it anymore, she couldn’t give it one last shot, not after all her ex husband had done to her. It needed to end and now it was ending.
Relationships: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani
Comments: 98
Kudos: 174





	1. In the dark

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something that has been in my mind for a while and I just organized my thoughts to write it down and post it. First thing I ever write about Shefani. Sorry if I got anything wrong, I’m not trying to write the story the way it really happened since I wasn’t around in the fandom when it all started.  
> Thinking about writing more if anyone likes it. So let me know what you think.

The air was so heavy that summer night. The constant silence was not his friend in that particular moment. It was dark and cold inside, even when the world looked so bright, fun and comfortable for anyone else outside. Lights were out in the whole house, he had a glass in his hands and was sitting on the floor, back against the cold hallway wall, legs stretched on the wooden floor, facing the big window in front of him. The backyard was empty and quiet, although Los Angeles never seemed to really be this way. He was getting so used to nights like that, since his life took a complete turn, that he didn’t even feel like crying anymore. That would be just another sad, boring night that would make him feel sorry for himself, except that for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t alone and the sob noises that cut the air and were the only thing breaking the silence were not his.

She was sitting right next to him, his right arm embracing her shoulders while she had her head resting on his chest. He could feel the way her body was shaking and all that could be heard for minutes now was her painful cry. He wished she would stop because his heart was small and hurting for her, but he knew this was exactly what she needed in that moment and it was the reason why she was there that night. 

Blake had just finished his divorce process and now Gwen was going through hers. They had two very different relationships with their significant others, but when it came down to ending it, the turns and ways were pretty much the same. It was heartbreaking for him to watch her having to deal with the mess that her life turned out to be since February, but it was comforting for her to have him there. She was in pieces, her heart had a constant pain that wouldn’t go away even when she was sleeping – the short hours that she actually was able to – and she couldn’t help but feel like a failure, but at least she knew that Blake had gone through all that and survived. If he was able to do it, why couldn’t she? He knew it was going to get better eventually, and that there’s nothing else he could do but be there for her and allow her to go through every emotional part of that heartbreak without any judgment.

“Does it ever get better?” Her weak and trembling voice was no more than a whisper in the silence. His arm instinctively tightened the embrace. 

“It will get better. It gets worst and then it gets a little better.” Blake was careful enough to match her light voice tone and kept the conversation sounding like a deep secret they shared. “I’m almost all better.” He lied. 

Gwen knew it was a lie but didn’t protest. She was feeling very tired and somehow his fingers stroking the skin on her arm were making her eyes feel so heavy. Or maybe it was the too many sleepless nights she had been through. The last months were like hell to her. It’s not like her marriage was perfect and it probably wasn’t even a happy one in the end, but it was her life. It was her family, her plans, her priorities. What would she do without it? She gave up so many things for her family, _for him_. Why couldn’t he do the same for her. Now Gwen was more than just heartbroken, she was feeling empty, frustrated, enraged and so deeply sad that she just didn’t know how to find her way out of her depression. And it was finally out of her hands, she couldn’t try to fix it anymore, she couldn’t give it one last chance, not after all her ex husband had done to her. It needed to end and now it was ending. She had been so suffocated under him and under everything that was happening in her life in the last couples of months that she thought that putting an official end to her marriage would help her to breathe or that it would be a relief, but she was wrong. Although Gwen did feel like it was the right thing to do – and the only possible thing - It was like admitting that she had failed. But it was done. It was finally done. 

“Why am I so unlucky in love?” She asked, her voice breaking in the end of the phrase like the word love was an impossible one. 

“It’s not about you.” Blake said it too quickly, almost not even letting her finish the sentence. So quick that he didn’t even think about it. That question was a relevant one, but not for her, of course. Gwen was perfect in his eyes, or at least she was the closest to a perfect person that anyone could ever be. She was smart, funny, caring and so beautiful, amongst thousands of other qualities. But he wasn’t so sure about him, or at least not in the last year or so. “It’s not about us.” He fixed his sentence so maybe he could believe in it if he was saying it out loud.

“What am I doing here?” Gwen’s head left Blake’s chest and his whole body protested silently when her weight wasn’t pressing against him anymore. He loosed up their embrace and took his arm off of her anyway. “Why am I crying about my divorce to you when you’re going through the same thing? I can only imagine how I make you relieve everything.” She let out a loud frustration sight. “I’m such a terrible friend.”

She sat straight up, legs crossed over one another, still stretched on the floor. Her body was turned in his direction now, and her left hand was pressed against the wooden floor in between the two of them. A year ago she would never believe she would one day be sitting on the floor of Blake’s rented house in LA, crying her eyes out because of the end of her marriage to Gavin, an old Bob Dylan song playing afar down in the living room downstairs and that pair of sad clear blue eyes staring right into hers like he could read the untold tales of her freaking soul. 

“You did it for me.” Blake looked so unbothered and calm, like everything in life was simple now. “I will do it for you.” It was simple, really, at least for him. 

“It’s not fair.” Gwen complained to herself, still watching him like she had something to learn there. Silence took its place for a second again, and both of them just stared out of the big window and into the dark blue sky. “Did you ever ask her?” 

The way she broke the quiet moment with such a deep and hurtful question made Blake’s eyes meet hers in a second. Gwen was always calm and careful with his feelings and personal space, so he had grown to expect her to ask less questions and be more discreet than any other person in his life. Maybe she wasn’t her best self in that moment. He didn’t really mind, he knew exactly what she was asking and something inside of him liked that they could share everything now. 

“No” The answer was simple and clear. Gwen stroke his shoulder with her left hand. “I guess I never wanted to know if she was unfaithful.” 

“It’s better like this. You don’t need to know, she’s already gone and you’re better without her.” The house was getting really dark now with the lights out and Blake couldn’t even see Gwen’s face anymore, but he knew her too much to be able to know exactly what she was feeling.

“You say it but you don’t believe it.” He was straight to the point. 

She was silent for a second and her hand in his shoulders stopped too. “That you’re better without Miranda?”

“That _you_ are better without _him_.” He couldn’t even say his name at this point. 

Blake wasn’t expecting any response from her, he knew he was right and that he would have to work really hard to change whatever she was feeling in that moment. Gwen decided she wasn’t going to lie to him. For the first time in a long time there was someone in her life she didn’t have to lie to and that feeling was really good. Her head settled down again on his chest and Blake’s arm circled her shoulders for another tight embrace. Her right arm crossed his body too this time, and they kept the quiet and comfortable silence for another moment. He was not so bored and sad anymore, not that night at least. She was less depressed for a second and her rage and frustration were no where to be found. Their breaths were almost in sync and Gwen could hear his heart beating strong and steady. Blake noticed she wasn’t shaking or crying anymore, and that it made him feel so in peace it was scary. In that silent summer night they were holding on so tight to each other that the rest of the world might as well have stopped and they wouldn’t care. What they didn’t know is that there was way more to that life they were living together than they could ever imagine in that single moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. ;)
> 
> Ps: English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes.


	2. Would you really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So glad people are reading this, cause my head is exploding with ideas.  
> Let me know what you think if you can.

“What’s your name again?” That was probably her fourth time asking that. It was very clear that she had way too much to drink already. 

“Austin.” The guy answered with a smirk, probably thinking how funny it was that she just couldn’t remember that. 

The truth is that at this point Gwen didn’t even know what she was doing in that night club. She didn’t know who she was talking too and why she end up with that random guy on the dance floor. She knew she wasn’t there alone and that it was some private work event that she couldn’t refuse to attend, although she wanted to stay home in her pajamas. That was her first real night out since she decided to put an end to her marriage, and it was really weird to think that she was a single woman, even though it wasn’t official yet. The feeling that had been very present in her life in that moment was no feelings at all. She was numb and she had no choice but to suppress her feelings into the deepest layers of her soul. At that point in her grieving process, she was holding onto a very thin line, and she knew that feeling anything at all would probably make her overflow and feel too much. She liked the numbing state, it was by far the best one yet, just because she finally didn’t feel like crying all the time. 

Gwen’s divorce announcement was out for the public to know about, so she wasn’t surprised that there was a guy trying to talk to her at a party. If she was very honest about it, she could say it actually made her feel good about herself after all that she’s been through. It was nice to draw someone’s attention in that way. But what was his name again?

“Hey Ashton” She called like he was far away, even though the guy was right in front of her. 

“Austin” He couldn’t hold a loud laugh this time. His hands quickly moving to her waist, taking advantage of the opportunity, since she was finally talking to him. “You look so beautiful.” He got close enough so he could speak right into her ear. 

She didn’t feel anything at all. Still numb and uninterested.

Gwen couldn’t say for sure, but she strongly believed that the guy was probably at least ten years younger than her. “Austin, what do you think you’re doing?” 

“Dancing with you.” He answered like it wasn’t any big of a deal.

It was true, they were in the middle of the dance floor with a lot of people around and all the random guy seemed to be doing was dancing and trying to talk to her, except for his hands holding her waist like she was his to take.

“Ok Austin.” Gwen said his name slowly like she was about to teach a lesson. “So please take your hands off of me.”

She could be a little drunk, but she was still a strong woman who knew exactly what she wanted and didn’t want. She truly expected that Austin was going to listen and respect that, but it wasn’t exactly what happened. The younger guy laughed at her again, like she was joking about didn’t wanting him to touch her body, or like she didn’t even have a say in it.

“We are just having a good time.” The random guy just pressed his fingers against her skin even more, like it was going to make her change her mind. The stressful situation triggered a intense adrenaline rush on Gwen. Her face started to get hot and she felt like she was about to push him away or even slap his face, until she saw that tall figure coming from behind him.

“Is everything ok here?” His familiar voice and accent made her heart feel warm and safe again. All the stress melted away like ice on a very hot summer day. 

“Yeah, man.” Austin didn’t even turn his head around to give Blake his attention, so the taller man touched one of his shoulders. 

Gwen saw the exact moment when his fingers squeezed tighter. “I’m pretty sure I heard her say you should take your hands off of her.” The cowboy was serious, even his face expressions were making sure the other one knew he wasn’t playing any games. She knew, in that particular moment, that he was around all that time. There was no way he could have overheard the conversation if he wasn’t watching them from a close distance. 

There was no need for the random guy to say anything, Blake wasn’t expecting any elaborated answer from him, and he knew it. 

“Sure, dude.” His hands left Gwen’s waist in a second and he threw them in the air like he was surrendering something. Followed closer by Blake’s intense stares he left their sight and disappeared in the middle of the dance floor. 

“Hey Blake.” Gwen knew she could handle the situation by herself, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t appreciate Blake coming to her rescue. He was always looking out for her. But it also didn’t mean she needed to thank him or make a big scene out of it. Things were simple with Blake, he didn’t do anything for show or to get something in return, he was just a gentleman and a really good friend. 

“Hey pretty girl.” Oh, she loved when he called her that. His smile was big and bright when he looked down and into her dark brown eyes. It was like he just arrived and there was never a random guy to scare away. “Do you want to sit down with us a little?”

Us? Gwen got a little confused for a second, but then she remembered: It was a ‘The Voice’ gig. The party they used to throw right before the blind auditions and this is why she couldn’t miss it, it wouldn’t be a The Voice party without all the coaches. Blake probably meant Adam and Pharrell when he said ‘us’. They were her guys and of course she wanted to sit with them. Gwen nodded and grabbed Blake’s wrist so he was able to guide her through the people dancing until they got to the booth where the other guys were sitting, drinking, talking and laughing. Her energy changed right away. She didn’t want to be drunk and numb anymore, she wanted to be around her friends and have fun with them. God, she loved her ‘voice’ people. 

Blake waited patiently until Gwen got in and sat on the comfortable cushion and only then he did the same, sitting right next to her, at the end of the table. They kept talking and laughing for what felt like hours. The guys got Gwen something sweet to eat and she was all better really fast. No more drinks that night, she promised to herself. 

***

It was already past midnight when Blake had to move from his spot to let Gwen get out of the booth. She really needed to go use the restroom and couldn’t stand one more laugh or she would probably pee in her pants. Thankfully, it didn’t seem like anybody would be ready to leave anytime soon. She stood up and fixed her sparkling silver short dress before she faced the crowd on the dance floor. The restroom area had a heavy wooden door that was almost sound proof, because you could barely hear the music inside the lounge in front of the male and female bathrooms. Walls were dark gray there and the place had terrible illumination, only a couple of people were around, but she didn’t spend much time there. Gwen used the restroom and came back ready to find her friends again, but as soon as she reentered the lounge area she saw Blake’s tall figure standing next to the large mirrors on the wall. 

He had his back to her, so she decided to call for him before approaching. “Hey, handsome?”

He could be anywhere and doing anything, but he would never mistake that voice for any other, so he turned his head to her. 

“What are you doing?” Gwen asked one second before noticing the phone on his hands that he had up to his ear.

“Nothing.” He put his phone down and back into his jeans pocket. “Doesn’t matter what I’m doing, I would stop anything to look at you.” He said and smiled big.

He was flirting, but it was not an unusual thing between them. For some reason, on the past couple of days they’ve been doing it more often. It was something unpretentious, always modest and respectful and none of them ever took it to any other level. It was always on the line of being two people flirting or just friends being nice. In that moment, something inside of Gwen lit up like a wild fire that burns out of nowhere because of a single sparkle. She felt the need to know more about that playful new thing they had, even if it meant that she had to test some limits.

“Would you really?” She asked. Her voice was strong and very interested. Her eyes suddenly digging into his like she needed to search his soul, even though she was very discreet about it when she took a couple of steps to decrease the distance between them.

Blake was caught out of guard with the sudden change in the game. Gwen never asked anything about the flirtation going on between them, she seemed to think it wasn’t more than another joke like the ones he used to make all the time. He tried to make it seem like the question wasn’t a big deal and that he was ready to answer anything, but his body wasn’t behaving the way he wanted and his mind was really lost, trying to understand the meaning of her question. It took him a while to fix his posture before he could also take steps towards her. It was not a joke for him, not completely at least, but he never thought they would ever talk about it, so he was perfectly fine with just pretending forever.

“You know I would.” Was his honest answer, but he felt really exposed after that.

The playful behavior was gone for both of them. Blake was serious after answering the question and Gwen was still looking at him like she could read his mind or see through him. He was so handsome, funny, polite and nice to everyone, she could only imagine what would it be like to be with a guy like him. Everybody liked Blake, the girls went crazy for him everywhere, but he was still a nice guy with a good attitude towards people and life. And he was always making her laugh until she was hurting, even on her worst days, but still, she was feeling so weird. Although she couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t feeling anything, it was still so sudden and unexpected. Or maybe it wasn’t. Was she really feeling something? 

Blake was looking deep into her eyes, trying to read her, but nothing was coming up. He couldn’t read her if she wasn’t sure about anything. He was asking himself if it was really possible for a woman like her to feel anything for a guy like him. He was probably getting it all wrong, of course. Wasn’t he?

“I would stop anything too.” The words escaped her lips before she could stop it. The confession wasn’t more than a whisper, but he heard it all and it hit him like a truck. 

Blake wanted to say something, but he was so lost for words in that moment. Everything he was trying to deny since they were just exchanging emails after they confessed to each other about their failed marriages was undeniable now. He had feelings for her, his racing heart couldn’t lie. But more importantly, she was also interested in him somehow. That last sentence made it clear and it was scary for both of them.  
Gwen didn’t really know what she was feeling, but her whole body wanted her to go deeper in whatever it was. The wild fire was still burning inside of her and she was so curious for him now. It was like finally coming up for fresh air. She felt so alive. She wanted to know more, to feel more, to discover everything. All that she didn’t feel when the random guy was touching her, she was feeling in that exact moment, and it was for and about Blake.

He had so many questions to ask, but all he was able to do was go towards her a little more. He looked around for one second, there was a drunk girl passed out in a armchair between both doors, a guy fixing his hair in one of the mirrors and voices coming from inside the girls restroom. He couldn’t really do anything there, but his body was now only a feet away from hers. Gwen was still intensely staring at him and Blake was losing his mind. His right hand touched her arm and went straight up to her face, his fingers stroking her soft skin so carefully that she wanted to close her eyes and give herself completely into that. He loved the way she smelled and it wasn’t about any fancy perfume or the fruity shampoo smell that her hair would always have. It was her skin that tend to smell so good all the time, and it was something he could only smell when they were that close to each other, and it wasn’t near as much as he’d like to.  
Blake moved a lock of her hair from her face and Gwen bit her lower lip when she was starting to get lost in the blue of his eyes and the softness of his touch. His other hand moved towards her waist and went up to her lower back, pulling her just a little more to him. They were so close that she could feel his breath touching the side of her face. And then, Blake’s phone started to ring. 

It was like waking up from a beautiful dream straight to the brutal reality. That sound pulled them out of whatever spell that was, and they both jumped away from each other. Blake awkwardly put his hand on his pocket to retrieve his phone, without even knowing why he needed to do that, and Gwen looked around, shocked that they were so close in a place like that. It was so reckless. 

“Wait, I just—” He couldn’t seem to be able to get his phone out of the small pocket, but it was mostly because his mind was so slow and distracted. He felt like he was ruining everything.

“I need to go back to the restroom.” She was terrified, but quickly found a way out. 

He tried to hold her so they could talk about it, but it was too late, she was already on her way to the restroom. He really ruined everything. His heart was hurting in a weird way, like it was being squeezed by fingers. And the damn phone in his pocket was still ringing. 

Gwen almost bumped into the girl coming out of the bathroom. She closed the door behind her, feeling like she couldn’t breathe. What was it that almost happened there? How could she let herself go that far into it? She was not a inconsequential teenager, she was a woman, she had three kids and a very broken heart. She didn’t have feelings for Blake, she couldn’t have. 

She suddenly felt like she needed to throw up. Her stomach dropped like a roller coaster kart on its way down, so she hurried to one of the restroom’s stalls. She closed the door and faced the toiled, trying not to touch anything she didn’t absolutely have to, but it was way easy to understand that she wasn’t feeling sick to her stomach, she was just overwhelmed with stupid feelings that she didn’t even know the meaning of. She was tired and sad again, and really mad for letting herself out of the numb state. She knew she was going to collapse if she let herself feel anything, and now she was feeling everything, even what she didn’t know she could feel.

Gwen didn’t care about the public restroom stall anymore. Her body was already aching when the first sob noises started to scape her lips. She sat down on the floor, letting her emotions flood her eyes and wet her face while she cried out loud like she hadn’t done in days. Last time she cried like this, she was in Blake’s arms. That thought didn’t make it better, it made it worst. How could she ruin what they had like this? Friendships were real, but love? Love was a brutal lie. Love had an expiration date. Now she was hiding from her best friend, sitting on the bathroom floor. She ruined everything and it was killing her. 

Laughs and loud voices quickly filled the place right after the door opened and closed again. Gwen covered her mouth with her two hands, trying to muffle her crying and sobs. People were just too busy to notice anything. And she was so alone. But she couldn’t be so sad forever, could she? Tomorrow would be another day, the first day really back to work. The problem would be facing Blake after what happened. She didn’t know if she could, but she definitely didn’t want to.


	3. What was that stupid feeling?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another one for you guys. Hope your quarantine is going well. Stay safe.

_It’s ok, he’s your best friend, he is not in love with you._ Gwen kept telling herself while pacing back and forth in front of that trailer door. _It’s a mistake, nothing more than that. He’s confused, I'm confused, but everything will be just fine._

She had a really poor night of sleep, and if she was really honest about it, she could remember some very weird dreams about Blake. It was like her mind had to fight itself the whole night, unsure if she was terrified of what could have happened if his phone hadn’t rang or drawn to her desire to know how it would have happened and what would it be like to actually let it happen. 

That was her first day back to the set. First day of The Voice season nine, and she was sure that it would be a terrible day if she wasn’t able to talk to Blake before starting anything. A terrible day, week, awful couple of months and a horrible whole season. 

_Things don’t have to change. I’ll just go ahead and tell him I don’t feel this way about him and we can go back to being friends again. He doesn’t feel it either. Everything will be comfortable again._ She desperately needed it to be comfortable again. 

“Gwen?” That voice came from nowhere and she jumped back, away from the trailer door, turning around to face a very confused Adam Levine.

“Oh my God, Adam! Are you trying to kill me or something?” Her heart was racing and she didn’t even know exactly why. She shouldn’t be that jumpy, it was too suspicious.

“I’m sorry.” Adam was laughing after noticing how much he scared Gwen unintentionally. “Are you ok? You were looking at Blake’s trailer like it was a spaceship or something bizarre like that.”

“Oh, I’m just fine.” She lied, trying to seem as much uninterested as she could, waiving her hand in the air and everything. “Is Blake here?” But she couldn’t fake it. That was not the first place where she was looking for him and it was starting to feel odd. 

“I don’t think so.” The Maroon 5 vocalist looked around for a second. “Last time I saw him, he was at the food tend.”

“Of course he was.” Gwen rolled her eyes. She couldn’t believe how difficult it was to find Blake when she needed to find him. “Thanks, Adam.” 

“See you soon.”

She left the trailer’s door already thinking about a plan. What if Blake was avoiding her? What if he didn’t want to see her after what happened on the night before? He probably was feeling even worst than she was. Maybe he was afraid to tell her he didn’t feel anything for her. Or maybe… Maybe he felt something. Was it possible? Well, he didn’t have a choice, Gwen was determined to find him and talk to him about it. They worked together so they had to figure that out, but more importantly, they were best friends, and she couldn’t even imagine her life without him at that point. 

She only had a couple of minutes before having to go into hair and make up, so she needed to act fast. Just by looking around a little and asking some people, she found Blake and Pharrell exactly where Adam mentioned: serving themselves to the great food they had on set all the time.

“Hey, Shelton.” Gwen called from afar, making the two of them turn their heads around. And a couple of other people too. 

“Uh oh.” Pharrell laughed playfully, implying that Blake was probably screwed. 

“Stefani?” Blake was also giggling and she couldn’t help but think that they were sounding like two stupid teenagers.

She was a little mad about having to play hide-and-seek with such a grown man for part of her morning. “Hey Pharrell, can I talk to Blake a second?” She asked when she was close enough. Her tone was sharp and she went straight to the point. 

Pharrell looked at her, a little confused, there was no more giggling, but Gwen didn’t look like she was joking either, and Blake did nothing besides shrugging. “What is happening? Please, don’t fight.” He used his always smooth and calm voice while standing up. “Come talk to me if any of you need it. We are all friends.” He probably could feel the weird tension in the air, and it was something to worry about. 

Blake didn’t want any of his friendships being affected by anything. He was the kind of guy who would really worry about his friends and relationships, and it was important to him that everybody was comfortable. Everybody, especially Gwen. He was still very uncomfortable about the other night, but he always tended to care less about himself. “We are not going to fight.” He decided there was no reason for that. 

“Ok.” Pharrell turned around to leave them. “I’m still around the corner if you need.”

“Thanks, P.” She was grateful for her friendships too, but that one — with the cowboy — was the most important one, and she was trying to fix things. She wasn’t going to fight Blake either. 

Gwen circled around the table and sat in front of him. There were a couple of people at the food tend area but none of them really seemed to pay attention. The loud conversation noises and the soft lounge music were making sure nobody would hear either. 

“We are really not fighting, right?” She asked. Her voice was a mix of tenderness and apprehension. He was too important. 

“I don’t think I can ever fight with you.” He let out a long sigh and a half giggle. He wanted to fight her on the night before, to be honest. Wanted to hold her so she wouldn’t be able to run, this way he would’ve made her talk to him. But he worried too much about her to put her through anything. She had been through enough. The thing was, he would get nervous just thinking of the stupid real reasons why he could never fight with her, but before he could stop himself, he was saying a couple of them out loud: “I would feel terrible for fighting someone like you and I would loose anyway.” Blake looked up from his plate to stare into Gwen’s eyes, but he was instantly flooded by the memories of the day before, so he quickly looked away.

“Someone like what?” She asked. “Weak?”

“Don’t be like that. You’re not weak.” He frowned. “I meant to say that you’re too important to me and fighting with you would mean that I would loose anyway, even if I was right. I don’t wanna fight with you and risk to lose you. It’s stupid.”

Her heart sank. That was exactly what she was thinking about him. They were too important to each other. _Equally_ important. But she never imagined hearing something like that from Blake. He was always quiet and discreet about his feelings, always laughing and making everything look like a joke. Yes, he was sweet and caring, she knew that, but open like that? She didn’t know that side of him.

“I love you, Blakey.” Gwen stretched her arm across the table to touch his hand. He held onto her like it was the only good thing he had, and his thumb stroke her fingers in such a delicate way that she thought it was impossible for a big guy like him.

Blake felt like there was a hole in his chest and it was making him vulnerable. He knew he could never lose her, but his feelings for her were even more scary in the day light. They did not went away with the booze or the moment, they were there, alive and strong and he was aware that those feelings were going to haunt him for the rest of his life. 

“I love you too.” He whispered back, caressing her hand gently. People around were unaware of that moment, and they preferred that way. “We still have to talk, though.”

“I know.” She agreed and sighed. She knew they had to talk about the night before and it was already giving her an anxiety attack. 

“Will you have dinner with me?” Blake waited until she was distracted to ask. He was honestly afraid of what she would say, so he added: “I can cook for you tonight. We will be safe and away from everyone’s eyes, this way we can talk without worrying.”

“Yes.” Gwen almost interrupted him. She wanted that so badly that she almost forgot about the real reason for that dinner. 

“Really?” Blake squeezed her hand. He never thought she would say yes that fast. 

“Yeah, I will have dinner with you at your fancy LA rented house.” They both laughed.

At the first sight of their old friendship, they let go of each other’s hands and started to joke around. It was like the two best friends were back and, whatever it was that happened the night before, it didn’t fit there anymore. Not in that moment, at least, but they still would talk about it later, over food and maybe a good red wine and beer.

***

The day flew by. Blake didn’t know if it was because the blind auditions were his favorite part or if it was due to the fact that he could only think about the dinner that he would get to cook for Gwen later. It took them the whole day, but they were done with work and it was around 6pm. He still had a couple of interviews and should be going home in a hour, but she would take longer to change and finish up her part, he knew that very well. It was probably enough time for him to start cooking before she arrived. 

Gwen was really excited for the dinner, she wasn’t worried about the real reason why they were sitting together to eat later, the important thing was that she was going to spend some extra time with Blake, and she wanted it. Even if they had to talk about the curious moment they shared on the night before.  
As soon as the work day was over, she went back to her trailer to change so she could do extra taping and a couple of interviews. She and Blake agreed that they would meet a little after 8pm, at the place he was staying at. She did her hair down and changed her clothes to a more comfortable black long sleeve dress and thigh-high gray velvet boots, because she still had ‘The voice’ things to do before the dinner. She was almost ready when there was a knock on her trailer door. 

Almost immediately, she recognized her kids voices on the other side, and even before someone from her team let them in, Gwen knew something was wrong. 

“Hey guys!” She also recognized her ex-husband’s voice. 

The older ones got in running and being loud, like always. Zuma came straight to her, with a cellphone in his hands, trying to show her something, but she wasn’t able to pay full attention to anything. Her eyes were following Gavin’s movements while he entered the place. He was caring Apollo. The little one seemed tired, and that didn’t go unnoticed. “What’s wrong?” She asked.

“We have that soccer thing to attend tonight.” The father started to explain. “Remember? That game I wanted to take the boys? I bough tickets weeks ago.”

“And?” Gwen was not trying to be rude, but she wasn’t very patient either. Gavin had the kids since the day before and they were only supposed to go back home the next day. It was an agreement between them, because she was busy with work and he had half of the responsibility.

“And Apollo seems to be running a fever.” He finished his sentence and her heart skipped a beat. She was expecting any excuses from him, or stupid reasons to bring the kids back earlier, but not that.

“Apollo’s sick?” Gwen hurried to take her younger son into her arms. The boy was definitely warm, but it didn’t seem really bad, besides the fact that he looked really unwell. “Hey booboo, are you ok?”

He only seemed to notice that his mom was there when she talked to him, but Apollo only mumbled something and snuggled up to her, taking his little hand up to her right ear and holding it. It was his thing and made him feel safe right away. Gwen held him a little tighter. She was so worried that her heart was hurting, and that was the kind of thing only her kids would make her feel. 

“I need you to keep him tonight, ok?” She only looked away from Apollo’s little face because Gavin was talking to her again. “I gave him Tylenol a couple of hours ago, but it’s not working. I think he has a cold.” 

“You can’t keep him because he’s running a fever?” She was never going to say no to it. It was better for her to have her sons with her anyway, but she was also not going to pretend like he wasn’t their father and had responsibilities too.

“I told you, I have this game thing to take the other boys. Apollo clearly can’t go like that.” Her ex-husband didn’t seem to believe it was a big deal and she knew why. Their other sons were older, they were used to him and had lived all their lives with him. Although they were difficult and mischievous sometimes, like normal middle school age boys, it was easy for Gavin to deal with them. But not Apollo, he was only a baby, a little over a year old, and so dependent. Plus he was his mama’s baby, always have been, so used to her and being with her that getting used to not having Gwen around all the time was a very difficult task for him. “I will come back after the game and pick him up. I can keep them tomorrow too if you need, it’s not a big deal.” Gavin added.

“Yes, Apollo will stay with me.” She didn’t have to think about it. “But you will keep the boys tomorrow until dinner time, because I will have to reschedule my work things.”

“No problem, darling.” Gavin took some steps towards her, but Gwen backed off a little. 

“What are you doing?” She became very defensive after his weird move.

“I was going to say goodbye to my son.” Her ex-husband looked a little offended, but she didn’t care. He went towards her again and Gwen was weirdly paralyzed, like she couldn’t even breathe next to him. He wasn’t allowed to take anything else from her, not even her space or a bit of the air she had around her. It seemed silly if she would stop to think about it too much, but again, she didn’t care. “Sorry you can’t come with us, baby.” He said, to the half asleep boy in her arms. “Daddy will pick you up later.”

“I will let you know if he’s better. But he will stay with me if he’s not.” She cleared things up really quickly. She wasn’t going to let him take her baby away if he really was sick. 

“Ok. Let’s go, boys.” The father called the other two. Zuma and Kingston were quick to follow. 

Too quick. “Hey, come say bye to mama.” Gwen called for them, and the boys came back running. She kneeled on the floor to talk to her sons, even if she didn’t have arms to hug them. They hugged her anyway and there were many kisses after that, even Apollo got some too. “I love you. Don’t stay out too late.” She exchanged looks between the boys and their father. 

“We won’t.” He promised. “Let’s go.”

***

They all left right away. But Apollo stayed with Gwen. She dismissed her team, canceled the extra ‘the voice’ commitments she still had and called her son’s doctor right after taking his temperature. He only had a very low fever temperature, no head or chest pain, so he prescribed an antipyretic for the night and if the boy didn’t get better by the morning she would have to take him to the pediatrician. Fever was never a good sign, but it could just be a cold, so she wasn’t going to panic just yet. 

Everything was under control, or so Gwen thought. Only when she was in the car, with Apollo sleeping in the car seat next to her, she remembered about Blake and their dinner. She looked at her phone and it was already past 8:30 pm. 

“Fuck!” She cursed to herself. The driver was already driving away. There was no way she could make it that night. 

***

Blake’s hands were full of pasta when the phone rang. He was finishing up dinner already, but it would’ve been a lie if he said he wasn’t wondering where Gwen was. It was around 8:40 pm and he knew she should already be there by that time. He washed his hands and dried them, but by the time he got to his phone, it had stopped ringing. There was a text message though.

I’m not going to make it today. Apollo is running a fever. Im really sorry. Gx

He rushed to call her, taking his phone to his ear. Gwen picked up right away too. 

“Hey.” They said at the same time.

“Is Apollo ok?” He was quick to ask.

“I think he is.” She was really relived that Blake wasn’t mad about the dinner. But of course he wasn’t, he would never be selfish like that, especially if the boys were involved. She was also happy he called to ask about her son “He might have a cold, but he will be ok.”

“I’m sorry he’s sick.” He was being honest. Blake loved her boys and every minute they would spend together, although it was never a long time and it was always on set. He would frequently find himself thinking about kids when he was around them. 

“Thank you.” Her heart was warm now, and Gwen just wished she could still see Blake that night. “I’m sorry about dinner.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He meant it. Nothing else was important, only Apollo and his wellbeing. “I have a lot of food here, though. Do you guys need to eat?”

“No Blake, I will not make you do that.” She sighed. “I won’t let you leave your house to feed us. It’s crazy and it’s getting late.”

“Please, let me bring you some food. I won’t eat it all.” Blake insisted. He wasn’t going to give up on that. “I cooked for you anyway.”

If Gwen still wanted to see him that night, that was a great and probably the only opportunity. “Ok. But if you will come over, then maybe we can hang a while.” Plus, she was really hungry too. 

“Deal.” What was that stupid feeling that was making him smile like that? Oh, he knew what it was. “I will be there in 10 minutes.” Was his promise before they hung up the phone. 

Gwen was smiling too. Her night got better again with that twist and out of the sudden she felt like nothing else could go wrong that day, even if they really had to talk about whatever happened the night before. Maybe she even wanted to talk about that.


	4. Through the window’s glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: Sorry about the G word.
> 
> Embrace for impact.

“3…2…1… Ok, I’m coming.” Blake turned around, scanning the place with interested eyes. He had been there a couple of times before, but this time was different. 

He was supposedly alone in the long hallway on the second floor, where all the bedrooms were. He started walking around, making loud noises on purpose so he could hear Apollo’s little laugh. Blake knew exactly where they were hiding, but he wasn’t going to finish the game that fast. To be honest, he liked the little giggles way too much. 

“Hey Mr. Lamp, how are you doing tonight?” He joked and Apollo’s laugh got a little louder. “Did you see a little guy hiding around here? He’s this tall and has a cute curly hair.”

Gwen was holding her son and they were hiding behind the boy’s bedroom door. There was no way she wasn’t going to play with them, the hide-and-seek game was too cute and Apollo seemed very happy and way better than he was earlier. No more fever and no more crying. 

“No?” Blake was still pretending to talk to lifeless lamps, appliances and furniture while he also pretended to look for the little boy. “Ok, guess I will keep looking then.” Apollo laughed yet another time. Louder this time, and Blake already knew the meaning of it: It was time for him to find them. “Wait, what was this noise? I can hear it.” He pretended to look around a little more, but the boy let out an excited little scream and he went right to the door. As soon as Blake moved it out of the way, he heard the little one screaming again and Gwen laughing. He then took Apollo from her and tickled him until he was out of breath. “I got you, little man.”

Blake put Apollo down, but the boy hugged his leg and didn’t want to let go. That was very different for him, kids normally loved playing with him, especially boys, since he was big and energetic, but they wouldn’t stick around after play time. Apollo was especially attached to him that night after he brought them food and spend all night with them, and Blake liked it. He never thought he would really enjoy spending that much time around kids, but that night was changing everything for him.  
That didn’t go unnoticed for Gwen either. Her younger son was in love with Blake, and having him around made Apollo feel better. She didn’t even have words to describe what she felt, but she could swear she was feeling floating butterflies inside of her every time she would look at Blake. Her feelings for him were so warm and tender that she wanted to happily sigh all the time. 

“Ok, that was the last one, it’s time for bed.” She said to her son. Actually it was way past bed time, but he had slept so much because of the medicine that now he seemed to be fully awake, but it was almost 11pm and he had to go to sleep. Apollo shook his head. He didn’t want to go to sleep, but Gwen picked him up anyway. “Say good night to Blakey.”

“Night night” The boy tried to say to his new friend and added a new away of calling him, trying to say his name like his mom was saying it, but failing to pronounce it. “Bwaky.”

The two adults laughed a little. But Blake was feeling more affection and love for that little boy that he had ever felt for any child before.

“Good night, little man. I’ll see you soon.” He said, waiving. Apollo waived back.

“I’ll be right back. If you want you can wait for me in the living room, downstairs.” Gwen told Blake while she laid Apollo down in her arms. 

“I will wait for you.” He promised as she entered the room, and closed the bedroom door before making his way down to the living room. 

He didn’t have to wait much, maybe twenty minutes or so, and she was coming downstairs. Apollo was a good sleeper now, even when he was sick. She only had to lay him down and tell him a good story. He loved it and it would always mellow him down. She left the room when he was almost falling asleep and it wouldn’t be long after that. The baby monitor was in her hands, just in case.  
Gwen gave Blake another beer when she got to the living room and got herself a good and well deserved glass of wine. Just the fact that they were alone made Blake a little nervous. He didn’t know exactly how to deal with the recently discovered feelings he had, but he took some time to just look at her and soak it in. Gwen was such a beautiful woman. Probably the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, but it wasn’t the most incredible thing about her. She was so fun and so smart, a strong independent woman with a great personality and an enviable sense of humor, a great mother and an amazing friend. Blake would constantly ask himself what kind of man would hurt a woman like her, and what kind of man would be able to make her fall in love again. Plus, Gwen was caring and warm, easy to talk to and not at all the kind of celebrity people tended to think she was. Man, she was perfect, wasn’t she? And the sad part was he didn’t think a woman like her would ever fall in love with him, but he was letting himself fall in love with her regardless. 

“Blake?” She called again, but he wasn’t paying attention. “Hey, Blake!”

“Hm?” Blake was finally brought back from his thoughts. 

“What are you looking at?” Gwen asked. And he knew he was probably intensely staring at her all that time. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah.” Blake nodded. “Come here.” He touched the empty space beside him on the couch to indicate where he wanted her.

It took Gwen less than two seconds to make her way to him. She sat by Blake on her couch, and watched him silently, waiting for whatever he wanted to tell her. She knew what it was about, she just didn’t know what exactly he had to say and it was making her heart beat fast. 

“You don’t want do talk about last night, right?” He noticed the change in her eyes. 

Gwen took a deep breath and looked away from him. “I’m afraid.” She confessed. 

“Why are you afraid?” Blake was still looking at her and his voice was calm and patient, even though he didn’t have good feelings about that conversation. 

She took a couple of seconds to think about it, but there was no easy way to go. “Because I don’t want to lose what we have. You mean too much to me and it sucks that we messed it up.” She sighed and hid her face in both her hands. 

“Hey, it’s ok.” Blake moved closer to her, wrapping one of his arms around her body, behind her shoulders. “We don’t need to talk about it, ok?” He was starting to think that maybe she was too confused to have that conversation. 

“But Blakey—” Gwen whined, taking her hands off of her face and raising her head to look at him. “I know it’s not fair.”

“Look, it’s simple.” He rested his beer bottle on the table and also got rid of her wine glass, this way they could have each other’s full attention and there was no more hiding behind the beverages. His blue eyes met her dark brown ones and they both got lost for a second. “We know what happened and both of us know what we feel. We don’t need to ruin anything talking about it, we can just live in this moment right here, can’t we?”

“Yes, we can.” She agreed and her lips took the form of a brief smile. 

“We just got out of two difficult relationships. We are still in pieces.” He added.

Gwen was feeling relieved that he was so understanding and that they had each other in that moment. “We are still in a million pieces.” She agreed once again. 

“All I know is I like you.” Blake caressed her arm a little. He was still looking at her, and Gwen was not really shy about it. “I’m not confused about it.” He added, being way more honest than he planned to be. 

She knew what he meant. He was talking about the night before, although he was trying to be very careful and not too straight to the point. Gwen liked that, this way she could be honest and not sound too straightforward either. “I like you too.” She said each word intensely, making sure he would understand exactly what they meant.

Blake was lost in her heartbreak eyes, but not too lost. He heard her very well and knew she meant it the same way he did. She was also talking about the night before and confessing that she liked him _that way_. He had a feeling before that it could be true, but it wasn’t just a feeling anymore. The intense stare was mutual and they were both silent, but their minds were working really fast. Blake really wanted to get closer to her, and his heart was beating fast in his chest. Gwen felt the same wild fire lightning up inside of her, and she was wondering about Blake and their relationship once again. She was so close that it was possible to smell the bitterness of the beer he had been drinking that night. Gwen wanted to touch him and wanted him to touch her too, but she knew he wasn’t going to do it until he was absolutely certain that she wanted it. He respected her too much. So she decided to put her fears away and lead him. Her arm went up and her hand softly touched his face right before she moved it to the back of his neck, tangling the tip of her fingers in his hair. That was the sign Blake needed to act. It was sweet enough to still match everything Gwen was, but straightforward enough to give him a green light. His hand on her arm went down to hold her waist so he could pull her to him a little more. She squeezed the back of his neck, making sure he knew she was all in too, just in case he had any doubt. And they were both completely lost in that moment, intensely staring into each other’s eyes, until Gwen closed hers and Blake followed right after. Hearts were beating faster and faster, almost at the same pace. He was the one to close the rest of the distance between them once and for all. The first touch of the lips was soft and gentle, but the energy exchanged caused a kind of shock that ran through both bodies, from top to bottom. It was like very cold hands touching a warm body. Goosebumps and the good kind of chills were everywhere.  
After that first contact, their lips seemed to fit perfectly to the other’s. Blake took his left hand to Gwen’s neck, and the kiss got a little more intense. Their tongues were touching and dancing slowly like they really needed to get to know each other. He was the one guiding that kiss and setting the pace, but neither of them really wanted to stop or go slow. Gwen’s hand went down from Blake’s neck to his chest where she grabbed his shirt to pull him even closer to her, if that was even possible. He also moved his hand in return, taking it up to the back of her head and holding her hair tangled around his fingers to pull her face way so he could have access to her neck. She let out a breathless moan into his lips and he used his other hand to dig his fingers even more on her waist. Blake never thought he would love a sound so much but he needed to hear it again. The way she was reacting to his touch made his whole body tremble and he knew he was losing his mind because of that woman. His urge to explore her a little more made him broke the kiss and finally take his lips to her neck the way he wanted, starting to lick and suck her skin, making her breath uneven.

“Blake—” Gwen moaned his name this time. Her hand going back to his hair. Her eyes were still closed. She was completely his in that moment, there was nothing and no one else in her mind. 

Blake didn’t say anything, he was too busy kissing the curve of her neck, her collarbone and one of her shoulders. Her skin was so warm and soft that he just wasn’t able to take his lips off her. He took the opportunity to inhale the usual smell of her skin, that he loved, until she grabbed his face with both her hands and made him kiss her again. 

This time their lips met with urgency, pressing against one another as if they needed to occupy the same space and challenge the law of physics. Quickly enough, tongues were invading mouths to taste each other once more, not aggressively, but with intensity. The kiss wasn’t calm and soft anymore, they needed each other and they wanted nothing more than that. It was obvious for both of them that there was no coming back from this. It wasn’t a simple kiss or a casual thing between friends. There was so much passion and desire in a single kiss that it was undeniable: They really wanted each other in every single possible way. 

The car's headlights hitting directly through the window’s glass was what made them jump away from each other. The kiss was brutally interrupted and hands suddenly stopped whatever they were doing. Gwen stood up and looked outside. Her stomach took a complete turn when she saw the car that was passing through her gates. First note she made to herself: She needed to change her gate’s code.

“Oh no.” She whined. “I forgot about _him_.”

Blake took more time to understand the situation, but it was a very easy task once he saw Gwen’s ex-husband getting out of the car with her two older sons. They both immediately started to recompose themselves. Gwen pulled her dress down a little and fixed her hair, and Blake straightened his shirt quickly, one second before the doorbell rang.

“Hey guys. How was the game?” She was the one who traveled across the big living room and opened the door for them, of course. Blake stayed on the couch, not really knowing how to act or think about anything that wasn’t the way they were kissing before. 

The two boys started talking at the same time, trying to tell her everything that happened when she was away, and even in the chaos of that moment she loved that they would always do that. The three of them hugged in a lovely wistful way as if they haven’t seen each other in days. Although they liked to be with their father more than Apollo did, Zuma and Kingston missed their mom too.

“We just came to pick Apollo up.” The father showed up behind the boys, still waiting out at the door. 

They broke the hug so Gwen could nod. “He’s sleeping but I will go get him. He seems better.”

She really believed her ex-husband would be respectful and nice enough to stay at the door without her having to ask him, but of course it couldn’t happen the easiest way. Gavin took some steps to get inside and it seemed like him and the kids saw Blake at the same time, but they had completely different reactions to his presence. The boys ran to the living room screaming his name and their father looked at his ex-wife like he just found out her deepest dark secret.

“Oh, that’s funny.” He said, making sure to let out an almost too polite laugh. 

“What is funny?” Gwen didn’t like his tone at all.

“Nothing, darling. I thought you were going to grab Apollo for me.” There it was again, the usual way he would talk to her when they were still married, as if he was superior in some twisted way. “We definitely don’t want to interrupt anything around here.”

“It’s definitely none of your business.” She turned around after saying that, making her way to the stairs that led to the second floor. 

Blake was distracting the boys as much as he could, because he knew they shouldn’t be paying any attention to whatever it was that their parents were talking about in the hall. Zuma was stuck in between his legs, being tickled and Kingston was attacking Blake with a pillow. They were all laughing when their father walked in. 

“Time to go, guys. Mom just went to grab Apollo and we’re leaving.” He said, getting a long symphony of whines from both his kids. “I’d like you to wait in the car, please.” 

“But—” Zuma tried to say, but Kingston grabbed his brother’s shoulders to guide him out. The older one knew there was no point in arguing there. He was the only one, of the three boys, who actually knew what the word divorce meant. It meant their parents would continue to fight all the time, but now in different houses. 

“Bye Blake.” They both said their goodbyes. 

“Bye buddies. I will see you soon.” Blake also made sure to wave to both. 

The adults in the room followed the kids with their eyes, both making sure that they would get out through the front door and get in the car right away. Only when the boys did exactly that, Blake relaxed his muscles and went back to enjoying his beer. 

“Nice to see you, Blake.” He heard the other one say. Blake couldn’t find anything he wanted to do less than talking to that guy.

“Can’t say the same.” He didn’t pretend. It wasn’t much like him. 

“We never really got along, have we?” Gavin was still standing far away from Blake, next to the the other couch. “Probably because you were busy trying to fuck my wife.” 

Blake looked up to the top of the stairs to make sure Gwen wasn’t anywhere near them before opening his mouth. “Or maybe because you were busy being an ass and fucking other women.” Then he took a sip of his beer, unbothered.

There was no time for Gavin to react to that, his ex-wife was coming downstairs with their younger son still sleeping in her arms. He hurried to meet her at the bottom of the stairs, mostly because he couldn’t spend one more minute standing in front of Blake. 

“Please, bring them back tomorrow at dinner time.” She reminded him. “I gave his medicine around 10pm. He should be down for the night. Please, they should go to bed as soon as you get home, it’s really late.” 

“I got it, ok?” He did not want to be friendly. “Apparently it’s not too late for visits around here.” His eyes moved to where Blake was.

Gwen didn’t say anything, she didn’t care. She let him grab Apollo from her arms and barely had the time to kiss her baby’s face before he left with him too. She stood close to the big window in the living room, waving to her sons while the car backed away. They could do it a million times, but it would always break her heart to see them leaving. 

The gate was finishing closing when Blake came up behind her. His hands touched her shoulders and went slowly down her arms to wrap her in an embrace from behind. He wasn’t shy about being intimate to her anymore, not after the kiss they shared. She did not protest, on the contrary, her body leaned against his, her back touching his chest. The comfortable warmth of both bodies meaning that neither was alone anymore. Blake placed a long kiss on her temple and kept his lips brushing against her skin. He didn’t have to say anything and she was comforted. It was as if his touch was magic.

“It’s almost midnight, I should go.” He whispered close to her ear, moving her hair so he could kiss her again, this time on her cheek. 

Gwen turned around to face him and it almost took his breath away. She was so unbelievably beautiful he suspected she was always going to have that effect on him. Blake brought one of his hands to her face and tenderly stroked her cheek. She closed her eyes for a couple of seconds and let out a long sigh. “I guess.” She knew that they needed to stop right there, but something inside of her wanted to invite him to spend the night, even if they would just talk for hours before falling asleep together. The problem was she needed time to think about what they were doing and decide what it really meant. But deep down she already knew. 

Blake tilted his head down until their lips touched again. They kissed slowly. His hand resting on her lower back and both her arms around his neck. It was a brief kiss but they were both smiling when they looked at each other. 

“How do you always smell so good?” He needed to say something, anything. He was never the one to be completely out of words. “It’s not normal.” 

It made her laugh. “And you taste like beer.”

“I taste amazing then, uh.” They were both laughing.

“Can’t say otherwise.” Gwen giggled, making Blake celebrate with his amazingly weird dance. This time she laughed out loud. 

They made their way to the door, crossing the whole living room and the hall right after. Walked side to side, laughing and joking like two best friends, but their hands and shoulders kept brushing as if they were magnets attracting each other at all times. They stopped when they got to the door. 

“Thanks for the food.” She was really thankful, especially because she had nothing figured out for her son to eat when they got home. “And for the company. For playing with Apollo too.”

“Oh, please, you guys made my whole day.” Blake flashed her a genuine smile. “I wouldn’t mind doing it everyday.”

Gwen felt a wave of pure affection for him and her heart was so happy. “I wouldn’t mind either.” She meant everything not just the food and the company. The kiss, the touch, his body, his hands. Everything.

“So can I see you tomorrow?” Blake asked, not sure what he should invite her for or what they could do together. It didn’t matter, he just wanted to be with her. 

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Call me.” 

He laughed. She didn’t help him at all, but it was fine, he was going to figure something out. “Good night, pretty girl.” Blake smiled at her again when she opened the door for him. 

“Bye, Blakey.” Gwen smiled back and he stepped out of the house, still looking at her. 

She leaned against the door watching him make his way to his car. So many things going through her mind, but all she was able to do was smile. It was like her face was broken. Gwen thought about what stage of her grieving the end of her marriage could be that one. The answer came easy and clear to her: No grieving at all. That night she was thinking about moving on and letting go, and for the first time it wasn’t as if she had to leave a part of herself behind, it was like glueing pieces of herself back into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys need to tell me what you think about this one. Pretty please?


	5. Candles and the bright moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fluffy chapter for you guys.  
> But kinda hot too.

“I just don’t want you to get seduced by the fact that Pharrell is so—” 

“Cute.” Blake interrupted her when she was talking to one of the contestants and they all laughed.

“Cute.” Gwen agreed. Pharrell purposefully looked confused. “It’s distracting, ok? And then there’s Blake who, again, is very—”

“Sasquatch” He interrupted again, ready to make the joke of the day. Adam laughed out loud, of course. 

“Handsome.” She finished her sentence anyway and it was way better than what he thought it could ever be.

“Uhh.” Blake celebrated throwing his fist in the air. The other ones were laughing even more, as the crowd was too.

It was like that for the whole work day. Their chemistry and flirting was all over the place. Having their new dynamic as a secret they shared was an exciting feeling. First because hiding whatever they had going on was thrilling enough, but it was also something they felt like they needed to protect from everybody else. It was pure and precious and it was theirs. Only theirs. Thankfully, they were very lucky people saw it as just a joke and nothing more. Or at least it was like that for almost everybody.

“Hey man, what’s going on?” Blake was staring at Gwen — who was getting her mic fixed in front of her trailer — when Adam approached him. 

“What?” He looked at his friends like Adam was crazy. “What are you even talking about?” But he knew what he was talking about. 

“I’m talking about the flirting, the eye contact, the smiles. Or, like, even the way you’re looking at her right now.” He could make a huge list of weird things that seemed to be going on between Blake and Gwen, but he stuck to whatever was more relevant. 

“We are just being funny.” Blake shook one of his hands in the air as if he needed to brush that subject away. “You know? For the show. Nothing different from what it has always been.” 

Adam noticed the way he was trying to avoid that conversation. He knew Blake for a long time now, so he could tell something was up. “Are you sure, man? I think she might be flirting for real, and you should be very careful with that. For you and for her.”

“Forget about it, man. It’s not what you think.” The cowboy wasn’t about to tell his friend the most precious of his secrets, he was enjoying to hide whatever was going on between him and Gwen for now. “Hey, that girl was really good, I can’t believe Pharrell got her.” So he changed the subject.

It was not as much of a mystery as they thought it was. They were not hiding it very well. Adam really knew something was different, he just didn’t know exactly what and wasn’t going to insist on it for now. Maybe Gwen was flirting and Blake was trying to ignore it because he wasn’t interested in something like that at the moment, and it would be a big problem in the future. To be honest, he couldn’t imagine she being into him, so maybe he was interested and she was just playing, and it would break their friendship and the chemistry of the four coaches really soon. Or maybe they were both rebounding and it was going to end badly anyway.  
Throughout the day, Adam got himself thinking about it too much, with every flirtation he would see, every smile, every very long eye contact — some were too long, he noticed. A lot was going on and he didn’t understand why his friend wouldn’t be honest with him this time. 

***

A couple of minutes after the launch break, they were all going back to the big red chairs to start the second part of their work day. It was so exciting and inspiring for Gwen to be there. ‘The Voice’ was something she loved doing, and being able to be there in that moment when her life just seemed like it was going to explode on her face was essential. Being part of that show was slowly healing her. That and Blake.  
Their eyes met again in the middle of the dark hallway that led to the big stage. They both smiled like there was no other possible reaction. 

Gwen had her kids for a whole week after the night they kissed, and they were not able to physically see each other for that whole time. They relied on phone calls and FaceTime to keep in contact and it seemed like they couldn’t go a day without talking to the other anymore. Now they were back to work and the boys would stay with their father that week. They were excited for all the time they had in hands and all the possibilities, even though they hadn't talked about plans or anything. 

“Hey, come here.” His hand grabbed hers and he pulled her to the side. The only other person there was a crew assistant, and she had her back to them.

Blake guided Gwen between the thick thread of wires on the floor, bypassing light fixtures, production pieces, sets and camera supports, and pulling her to the corner of the hallway backstage, behind a long black curtain. They didn’t say anything, as soon as they were protected by the dark fabric their lips were drawn to each other as if that was the will of a greater force. His body was pressing hers against the wall behind her and her hands travelled through his back. The kiss was intense and long. He was lacking her taste, her smell, the texture of her soft lips on his. Again they both felt that electric energy exchange floating from one body to the other. It was like a perfect connection.

“Oh God, I miss you.” Blake said when they broke the kiss and he got to look at her face. That close she was even more beautiful.

“I miss you too.” Gwen was smiling at him. The butterflies in her stomach were so wild that day. 

His hands went down the sides of her body, sliding around her curves until they stopped over her waist. He held her tightly right there and his lips looked for hers again. Their tongues were so in need of one another that the kiss quickly became urgent and hot. Blake’s hands kept exploring her body and she could barely hide the way it would make her feel. He could hide even less. Their breathing became heavy and labored at the same time and then Gwen had to break the kiss because she quickly got out of breath. It didn’t help, his lips went straight to her neck, sucking her skin and leaving a path of intense kisses. Blake couldn’t think of anything other than her body right at that moment, and the way his was pressed against hers. Every inch of him wanted her so badly that it really didn’t matter where they were. 

“Blake—” She gasped. “Oh my God, stop!”

He did what she asked, but it was not what neither of them wanted. His lips went back to hers and one of his hands touched the back of her neck while the other made its way up to her face. He kissed her softly this time, in a respectful way, and broke the kiss to look at her. “Please come home with me tonight.” 

His invite was simple and very complicated at the same time. Simple because it was something they both clearly wanted — and needed— but it was complicated because it would take whatever they had going on to a different level. Plus Gwen hadn’t been that intimate with anyone in a very long time. Anyone other than her ex-husband. And by a long time, she meant almost 20 years. Would it be like riding a bicycle or would she have to learn it all again from the beginning with a new partner? She would never know if she didn’t try. And her whole body really wanted to try.

“Will you cook?” She asked, trying to ease the tension and focus on something other then her insecure thoughts. Gwen wanted it. She really, really wanted it. 

“Yeah, you owe me a dinner at my place, remember?” Blake noticed the way she was trying to make things lighter. He understood it completely. His body stopped pressing against hers, giving her space to breath again. “Tonight then?” 

“Ok, I’m in.” She smiled again.

This time it was Gwen who leaned over to him. Blake had to tilt his head down to meet her half way but they shared another warm kiss. It was calm and full of affection this time. They strangely really missed each other and had to enjoy every second they had together even though they had no idea what all of that really meant. 

***

_”Baby, when I met you  
There was peace unknown  
I set out to get you  
With a fine tooth comb  
I was soft inside  
There was something going on_

_You do something to me  
That I can't explain  
Hold me closer and I feel no pain  
Every beat of my heart  
We got something going on…” _

It was passed 10pm and dinner had been finished already. The night was peaceful and comfortable and a couple of candles on the center table were the only light they could see. That and the bright moon, high on the sky, that was illuminating the whole place like that was its main job. Blake and Gwen were sitting on the living room’s big rug, leaned over fluffy pillows, side by side, talking about music and their favorite artists. He was showing her country artists she had never even heard of, and some other ones that everyone knew. But they would also talk about rock legends and their legacy, and their favorite subject: 80s love songs.  
‘Islands In The Stream’ by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers was playing on Blake’s phone when he got closer to Gwen. His right arm resting on the couch’s seat behind them, but his left one stretched so his fingers could stroke her hair.

_“Tender love is blind  
It requires a dedication  
All this love we feel  
Needs no conversation  
We ride it together, ah-ha  
Making love with each other, ah-ha_

_Islands in the stream  
That is what we are  
No one in between  
How can we be wrong  
Sail away with me  
To another world  
And we rely on each other, ah-ha  
From one lover to another, ah-ha” _

That song was meant to be. He would never listen to it again and not remember her, it didn’t matter what could happen to them in the future, that would forever be their moment, their song. And it was describing exactly how he was feeling, even though he wasn’t strong enough to say it out loud just yet. 

Gwen got a little closer too, tangling her legs to his and ending the distance between their bodies. Blake’s right arm embraced her shoulders and their lips touched with pure tenderness. They just kissed and caressed each other’s face and hair for long minutes, until she bit his bottom lip and it was as if she had found a switch to turn him on literally and figuratively. He couldn’t wait any longer, so he pulled her to his lap and his hands slid down to hold her waist. They didn’t brake the kiss, so Gwen was sitting on Blake’s lap, facing him, lips pressing against the other like they needed even more contact, and neither of them could hear or pay attention to the song anymore. They could only see and touch each other. 

He was the one to break the kiss right after. One of his hands went up to her head and he held her hair tightly on one side so he could explore her neck and shoulders on the other. She moaned when he bit and suck her skin, because she just couldn’t contain herself. That was music to his ears. Blake’s other hand grabbed one of her thighs, squeezed it tight and then climbed up under her dress. Gwen moved her hips against his body to tease him and it worked right the way she wanted. He pulled her hair a little more and bit hard on her shoulder. They both moaned together this time, a little louder and breathless. 

Blake started kissing her neck again and his hands went up to the zipper of the dress she was wearing. He opened it slowly and provocatively, still touching every inch of the skin on her back with the tip of his fingers. She helped him, pulling her dress up and getting rid of it. He didn’t waste any more time, soon his hands opened and took off her bra too. Then Blake took a second to just look at Gwen and was completely speechless. Her almost naked body was unbelievably perfect. She wasn’t shy about anything in that moment either, so she bit her bottom lip and ran her tongue between her lips provocatively, making sure he was watching. And just like that, he was losing his mind again.  
Her insecurities about him and about sex were completely gone, she just wanted to be his. Wanted to be completely dominated by him, wanted his body over hers until they couldn't take it anymore, and then her body over his until it was morning or until they were too exhausted to keep going.  
It was as if he could read her mind, Blake took his shirt of and they managed to get rid of his pants together, then he stood up and carried her to the closest wall, next to the fireplace. His body pressing against her, lips touching so furiously and urgently it would even hurt sometimes. Her nails digging into the skin on his back and her legs wrapped around his waist. It didn’t take long for them to take off whatever they were still wearing, and it was only the beginning of the night.  
It started down in the living room, but they went up to his shower and end up together in bed. At some point Gwen knew she wasn’t going home at all that night. 

***

The sunlight came in shyly through the curtain’s thin fabric, but it was enough to disturb his sleep and make him slowly open his eyes. It was a habit, no matter how late he stayed up or how bad his sleep was, he would be waking up at sunrise. Blake was a little disoriented but he knew he was in bed. The first thing his eyes focused on was the person lying next to him. She was still sleeping soundly, her left arm over his body, as well as one of her legs. Vivid memories of the night before invaded his mind making Blake smile like a teenager who was first experiencing the feeling of being hopelessly in love.  
And she was so beautiful, even though she was just lying next to him, sleeping. He was overwhelmed by the same suffocating feeling that clutched his chest. He didn't know what that was.

Gwen was so peaceful. Eyes closed, steady quiet breathing, her cheeks slightly pink, messy hair, heart beating against his left side, and the only thing covering her amazing body was a thin white sheet. Blake could easily get used to waking up like that.  
His right hand softly touched her face, almost as if he needed to make sure she was real and really there, because she looked like a mirage. But of course she was there, he remembered the night before vividly in his mind. It was all real. Suddenly, she frowned and a low sigh escaped her lips. Blake tried to move his hands away from her face, but it was too late. 

“Is it morning yet?” Gwen’s voice was hoarse and tired. Eyes were still close, but she didn't need to look to know exactly who was holding her so close and tight like that. 

“Yes.” His voice broke a little and he had to clear his throat. “But you can sleep in a little. I will make us some breakfast and then I can come in and get you. What do you say?” 

The butterflies in her stomach were also wide awake. Her eyes slowly opened to look at him and the first thing she noticed was the way his eyes were even more blue in the early morning light. That feeling was so new. She didn’t even remember when was the last time someone made her breakfast and sat down to eat with her, without haste, without commitments, without the hustle of everyday’s life.

“It would be nice.” Gwen smiled. 

“Ok, you are the boss here.” Blake leaned over to kiss her quickly, before untangling his body from hers to get up. She stayed in bed, watching him. “I’m gonna jump in the shower really fast before going downstairs.” 

Something in the way he was telling her his every move, made her giggle a little. “You look so sexy.” She meant him and his naked body on the way to the bathroom.

“Hey don’t make me go back to that bed or we are never stopping.” He said, already on the next room. 

“I wouldn’t mind.” She whispered to herself. And she really wouldn’t. 

Still in bed, Gwen heard the shower turning on and stretched her whole body. Many of her muscles were sore and it made her groan while stretching them. Her body was tired too and she had traces and little marks of the previous night all over it, but it was all so worth it. She was feeling so good that morning, like she hadn’t in a long time. It was a new feeling that she wasn’t used to, but wanted to explore more. It seemed like her fears and insecurities were gone for good this time, and she could only hope that Blake felt the same. Oh, she was so screwed if he didn’t.


	6. Broken, insecure, complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG it’s 5am but I really wanted to post today.  
> I’m on Twitter now, please follow if you want and let’s be friends: @justacami1 
> 
> Hope you guys have a fun weekend.  
> (I apologize in advance)

“Adam! I just noticed you have no hair.” Blake looked at his friend like he was really surprised, even though he had been talking about that all day. 

“Oh my God, you’re so stupid.” Adam rolled his eyes while trying to talk over all the loud laughs. 

The four “The Voice” coaches were sitting together at the lounge’s big couch, in front of the trailers, where they normally would hangout after finishing tapping something. This time it was the Knockouts. Adam couldn’t get over the fact that Blake wouldn’t leave all his hair changes alone. It was more like an inside joke to them than anything else, but the Maroon 5’s member would always pretend to be annoyed by it, specially when they were surrounded by other people like they were that day. There was a couple of production people around, some stage assistants and other crew members. Blake and Gwen were sitting as far away from each other as they could. She was sitting next to Adam and he was on the other couch, next to Pharrell. Their eyes would meet sometimes, but they were being very careful around that many people.

They had something going on for a couple of weeks at that point, but were protecting it as the new and fragile thing it still was. They didn’t need anyone talking about it or doubting it, because sometimes they would do it themselves, so more people knowing and talking would make those thoughts worse, especially because both of them had just end two very long and complicated marriages. Although they really wanted to tell their friends sometimes, especially Pharrell and Adam who spent a lot of time with them, they decided not to do it. 

They were all still laughing and Pharrell was trying to count every single time Blake had talked about Adam and his shaved head that day, when the cowboy stood up to go fill his cup with whatever he was drinking. The bottle was on a table close to his own trailer and he went there by himself, still paying some attention to his friends talking, but he didn’t notice that he was being followed closely by someone. He may not have paid attention, but Gwen did. 

“Hey Blake.” He turned around when he heard his name and recognized one of the crew members, a woman who have been working with him for years now. “Can I take your mic off?”

“Oh, thank you Shelbie, they already did when I left the stage.” Blake was nice, like he always was. That wasn’t different from any normal interaction they’ve had before. 

Gwen didn’t know why, but that was really disturbing her. She could see them talking, and watched as the woman touched Blake’s arm with one of her hands, but couldn’t hear anything because of the distance, so without thinking too much she decided to get closer. She saw herself standing up and leaving the couch, but didn’t have a single reason in her mind that would be an excuse to do that and get closer to other people’s conversation. Also, leaving in the middle of talking to the other two wasn’t the best idea, but she didn’t even hear any of them calling for her. 

“Sorry, the mic thing was just and excuse for me to come and talk to you.” Gwen heard the woman saying, and then she froze. She turned her back to the couches and pretended she was fixing something on her dress. It was very inappropriate, she was aware, but she also really needed to listen to that conversation. “I know your life is a mess right now and that you may be trying to move on from something really bad. I know is probably not the best timing, but I was wondering if maybe you wanted to grab a coffee with me someday, now that we won’t be back until the live shows.”

Blake felt like he was going up the highest roller coaster, with that anxiety feeling when you know something bad is about to happen. He didn’t like roller coasters and he always hated that kind of situation because it wasn’t pleasant for anybody involved. A couple of feet away, Gwen’s heart wanted to jump out of her chest and she was fighting a internal battle to decide if she wanted to interrupt them or disappear from there without being seem. 

“Shelbie…” He paused after saying her name, still unsure of what to say. “I'm flattered. You’re a very beautiful and kind woman, but I’m afraid I will have to say no at this time.” That wasn’t comfortable, it would never be. Blake wished those things would stop happening to him, but he was always friendly and people tended to mistake that for other things. It would happen when he was married too. Not Shelbie, but others.

He was still listening to Shelbie’s embarrassed apologies when he saw that platinum hair out of the corner of his eyes and froze for a second. Blake wasn’t doing anything wrong, but he knew it would be awkward if Gwen was close enough to hear the conversation. He also knew her story and the weight something like that could have. Or maybe he was just overthinking it. He thought about calling her and using that to get out of the weird conversation he was having with the other woman, but when he turned to look, she was already gone. Since that second, all he wanted to do was look for her, make sure she was ok and that she didn’t understand anything wrong, but he got caught up in many conversations after that one, and it was impossible to make up excuses fast enough. He was also very distressed about having to treat her as a coworker there, since it was what people thought they were. It seemed impossible to him to treat her as less than a special someone and it would make him more grumpy with every second that he didn’t know where she went to after the conversation she probably heard.

Blake had to wait – not so patiently — until the number of people around decreased and the other two coaches went back to their trailers to change and leave. Gwen was gone for the rest of the night, he imagined she was in her trailer, and knew it would take her some time to change before leaving, but he didn’t feel like waiting anymore, so he knocked on her trailer’s door as soon as nobody was paying any attention to him. It was opening a few of seconds after.

“Hey Blake. How are you doing?” It wasn’t her, it was her younger brother Todd, who was frequently around on set.

“Hey Todd. Not too bad, how about you?” Blake tried to be nice as always, but his eyes were looking for someone behind the other man.

It didn’t take her long to go check who was at the door, and Blake was right, she took that time to change. Gwen was wearing jeans and a simple white t-shirt. Her hair was up in a ponytail, but her make up was still done the way it was before. 

“Todd, can I talk to Blake?” She asked, standing right behind her brother. “Can you check if the car is ready for us?” 

“Sure” Todd agreed, knowing that he didn’t belong in that conversation, even though he also didn’t particularly know about their romance. He passed Blake and pat his left shoulder. “See you later, man.” 

“See ya.” The cowboy raised his cup to him before entering the trailer and making sure the door behind him was closed. He got a little nervous before starting talking, but decided he needed to do it fast. “I think you heard a weird conversation between Shelbie and I.” He was straight to the point and it was like ripping off a bandaid. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. 

“Who’s Shelbie?” She questioned, but it was not a real question. It was very clear who she was and what he was talking about. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Hey, of course it matters.” Blake took a step towards her. Gwen was just quietly watching. “I know what you’re thinking and I need to tell you something, I’m not this kind of guy, I would never do that. You know me, you know that I—”

“Blake, stop.” She interrupted.

He didn’t want to stop before finishing what he had to say. “I’m not the kind of man who would do that. You don’t need to be scared. I would never. I—”

“Blake?” She raised her voice to be heard and maybe be taken seriously. “Stop. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Blake stopped. And yes, he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, but he was just trying to show who he really was, behind all the jokes and all the superficial things that she already knew about him. He was trying to go even deeper, to show himself, and it was not something he used to do often or to everybody. “I know, I just thought you should know I said no to her.”

“Yeah? And why?” She asked. Her eyes were digging into his, but it wasn’t the same way she would do when she wanted him. They had a different sparkle, it was as if she was trying to take something from him. 

He got really confused. “What do you mean? Because—” 

Gwen didn’t let him finish. “Because of what? Because we had sex?”

“What? No. Because of what we have.”

“What do we have?” Her question turned the air into a tense thick cloud. They just stared at each other for a couple of seconds. The silence was brutal.

“I- I don’t know.” Blake’s answer was unsure. He knew he was giving her more reason to follow whatever thoughts she had in mind, and hated himself for it, but whatever it was, she was wrong.

“Exactly, we don’t know.” That was just what she did, she had more reasons to believe she was right now. “You should’ve said yes to her.” Gwen let her thoughts escape from her lips, but hearing them out loud made her body hurt in a weird way. 

“I should‘ve?” He asked, completely lost.

 _No!!!!_ She thought, but it seemed like her mind and her mouth weren’t communicating very well. “Look Blake, I don’t think we are doing what we said we would do.” She sighed. “We said we would go slow and live in the moment, remember?” 

“What’s your point?” He had so many mixed feelings in that moment. All really bad. 

“We didn’t say anything about being exclusive, so you don’t need to say no to anyone because of me, this is my point.” Gwen explained, but it wasn’t all. “You’re single. I mean, not single, we will never be single again, isn’t it funny? We’re divorced. You know what that means? It means we are both really bad at love.” She had to support herself with one hand on the trailer’s wall so she wouldn’t lose her balance or her train of thought. “What I meant to say is that you’re finally free and I think you should enjoy it.”

Blake was taken completely by surprise. They were bad at love now? He wasn’t expecting something like that from her. It took a second to think about what she was trying to say, but it was pretty obvious and it was very hurtful too. “I feel really stupid right now.” He confessed. “I didn’t come here to tell you I said no to someone because of you, I came here to let you know I said no because I don’t want anyone else.”

His words hit her like sharp knives. Each one cutting deeper into her skin. “Please don’t be mad.” Her weak voice said. 

But Blake wasn’t mad, he was really sad and hurt. “Do you want me to leave?” His eyes looked for hers, but she was staring at the carpet on the floor. 

“No.” She wasn’t sure of anything. 

Gwen was a mess inside. Seeing another woman trying to get Blake’s attention was a little more than what she could handle. It was like opening up recent wounds that were not healed yet. After what her ex-husband had done to her, she would probably be insecure forever, and would never trust anyone completely again. She felt completely worthless, a liability. That thought had just hit her strong when she saw Shelbie talking to Blake, and it occurred to her that maybe he didn’t deserve that distrust. Maybe he would be happier with someone who wasn’t broken, like Shelbie. Gwen wasn’t trying to protect herself, she was trying to protect Blake. She was broken, insecure and too complicated. Those were the three words she could use to describe herself in that moment and not a single one was good. 

“I’m sorry, Blake. I didn’t want to say it like this” She was not strong enough either. Her voice broke into a sob and she had to take that step forward to throw herself into his arms.

Blake embraced her body without any second thoughts, and every bad feeling he could possibly have about her disappeared like a morning mist. She was so broken that he could feel it in the way her body was shaking while she cried out loud. It would kill him every time, but in that moment more than ever before. Obviously, this wasn’t about him, or about what they had, it was about the man who hurt her so deeply that she was lost in her own sorrow without a easy way back to the safe place. And Blake wanted to be that safe place, but he wouldn’t push her, he would only be there for her.  
That was what he did. He held her for long minutes while she cried, stroking her hair and back, saying it would be alright and that he would be right there. Gwen was feeling so small and sad that it was like falling into a dark hole all over again. She was reliving the trauma yet another time, the way she had suspected for a long time and the way she found out. It was a long painful process that ended the worst way possible, and she didn’t want to go through that ever again in her life. She loved Blake as a friend and a person in her life, but she wasn’t ready to fall in love with him. Let him go would hurt too, but she would get over it eventually.

He noticed that she had stopped crying and was quiet in his arms, so he didn’t move either. They were embraced in a warm hug, their arms around each other and her head resting on his chest. It felt like it could be right, but right at that moment it was wrong. 

“We will still be friends, right?” She whispered that sad and painful question. 

Blake wanted to say no, because he knew it would be impossible for him to go back to that, but he took a deep quiet breath and ignored his own feelings. “Of course.” He said. His eyes watering, but she would never be able to see that and he was grateful for it.

There was no other way around in that moment, they both knew it. But Gwen wasn’t the only one who was broken, Blake was destroyed inside too, and he was starting to think that he wasn’t good enough to hold her and fix her, because he had his own wounds that needed to heal and whatever it was that he was feeling for Gwen was too strong and it would tear him apart sooner or later.

In that moment, although he was holding on to her, all Blake could think of was getting so drunk that he would stop feeling the heartache, the stress, the exhaustion and the pain. He wanted to be numb again and even though she was in his arms, he was blaming her for making him feel something. All he wanted to do was go back to his house – the real one, in Oklahoma – and give in to give it all up, including Gwen. 

“I better go.” He whispered too, letting go of that hug. 

“I’m sorry.” She sobbed violently and her cry started again. 

Blake couldn’t watch that anymore, it was killing him. “We will be ok.” He said, turning his back to her so he could leave. 

“We will be ok.” She repeated word by word, trying to believe it. The door closed when he left. “I love you.” She whispered, but it was too late, she was completely alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t panic!


	7. The sun is setting

Blake didn’t even know for how long he was alone at his ranch in Tishomingo, Oklahoma, but the days just seemed like they were not passing anymore. They all seemed to be the same. He would wake up early, work around the garden and property, eat something and start to drink right away. By 6 o’clock he was already so drunk that he would fall asleep before dinner and wake up next day feeling like crap to start it all over again.  
Even though many friends had tried to reach him, he wasn’t communicating with anyone. No texting, no calls or anything, specially not in person. It had been at least 3 weeks without bothering with people, and Blake didn’t really know if it was a good thing or not, all he knew was he didn’t want to talk to anybody and there was only one person he was missing. He hadn’t heard from Gwen since he isolated himself from the rest of the world and he was honestly thinking that it was better this way. Friendship wasn’t something that was possible at the moment since his body would hurt even just thinking about her. He missed her in every single way, not only her touch, her kiss or her body, but what he missed the most was talking to her, missed making her laugh and hugging her. Blake would constantly wonder where she was and what she was doing. He almost texted her a couple of times when he was drunk, but he avoided it because he knew they both needed time. Also, she never looked for him, the last conversation they had was the one in the trailer and it wasn’t a good one. Fast forward a few weeks and there he was, back to Oklahoma, completely alone again.

Blake fell asleep on the couch, but he woke up in the middle of the night. His eyes stung when he opened them up. Lights were still on, but the place was as quiet and empty as always. He wasn’t sure why he had woken up, but he was glad he did because his drink was spilled on the floor and he needed to get up and clean it up before one of the animals ended up as drunk as he was.

“Damn it, Betty. It was you, wasn’t it?” He complained, struggling to get up. The dog only wagged its tail. 

Blake cleaned up the mess and ended up sitting on the floor. His head was heavy and hurting, he just wanted to rest a little bit. Betty came over, taking advantage of what looked like an invitation to join him. The dog laid down beside him and put her head on his legs. Blake petted her without paying much attention to it. His other hand reached through the sofa cushions behind him, searching for his phone. As soon as he got it, he noticed it was past 4 in the morning. He also noticed two new text messages, and his heart almost stopped when he saw her name on the screen. 

_I wish I could have talked to you today. I really miss you._

His chest got tight as he scrolled down. 

_I’m officially divorced and this is so weird._

Blake wanted to call her right away. He knew exactly what that strange feeling of signing the final papers was, and also knew what it could do to someone. But it was 4 in the morning and a phone call was probably the last thing she needed, so he started to think of something to text back. 

Gwen was lying on her bed, staring at the bedroom ceiling. It was after 4 am and even though she was exhausted, she couldn't sleep. It should be just a normal week night, except for the fact that her divorce was settled that afternoon and now her kids would be gone for another two weeks. That house was too big for her to be so alone, and her life had too many good things, so why did she spend the whole night feeling so empty and bitter?  
She decided to get up and pray, so she quickly got on her knees. Gwen had 3 wonderful children, whom she was raising to be good human beings. They were all healthy and had opportunities that she never had growing up, but was able to provide to them because of her wonderful career. Her family was lovely and very supportive, she had amazing people around her, so she put her hands together and thanked God for all of His gifts, but she also took some time to ask for a little peace. Peace of mind and some rest. She wanted to be able to forgive and be forgiven so she could love herself and maybe move on to find some true love. Romantic love wasn’t her priority in that moment, but she wanted to be able to feel it someday, just so she could believe in it when talking about love to her kids, or when watching them grow up to love someone one day. She wanted to be there and trust love enough to teach her boys how to be good men to any person they would love. God knew their father wouldn’t do it. 

_Please God, teach me what real love means._ She asked that night. They say everybody had that special someone who would teach them about the wonders and struggles of true love, so finding hers was her last hope, even though it seemed to her like it could be too late for that.  
And while she was getting up after finishing her prayer, her phone vibrated on the bed, indicating a new text message. It was 4:26am when Blake’s name lit up on her screen. 

_Hey, how are you doing in the middle of this mess? I’m sorry I didn’t see this earlier. I miss you too._

Wait, was it some kind of strange sign? She had just asked for true love and the only man who would make her heart beat faster was texting her. Gwen thought he would never speak to her again, other then work related things, because she knew his heart was broken, but there he was, surprising her again and waking up the stupid butterflies in her stomach. 

While she stared at her phone, thinking about God and His signs, another text came in.

_Do you have the boys? How was the final arrangement?_

She smiled. He was worried about her and if the settlement of her divorce was fair to her family. Gwen was suddenly overwhelmed by her feelings again. She was happy, but her heart was hurting and her eyes got wetter. Blake’s kind personality was too much for her to handle, a couple of texts and she remembered how important he was and how impossible it would be to keep her distance after that first contact. Regardless of her fear, she didn't want to be away anymore.

_I don’t have the kids right now, but we will share joint legal custody. And he won’t take anything that is mine, financially speaking. We agreed this way._

She typed and sent, but there was more she wanted to ask and know. Gwen wasn’t texting to talk about her divorce, it was only a random information she wanted to shared with him. So she started typing again. 

_About how I am. I don’t really know, it’s weird, but I think I feel free. How are you? I want to know about you. I’m sorry I’ve been away, I’ve been working in the studio, it’s been so good to me._

The text was read as soon as it was sent, but Gwen waited and there was no reply. 

Blake was staring at his phone on the other side. His text was unpretentious, because he was sure Gwen would be sleeping comfortably at that time, but she wasn’t and she texted back right away. His heart wanted to jump out of his chest and his throat was dry. He was still a little drunk and his thinking was not sharp at all. Blake could see himself laying on that couch and going back to sleep if that was any other person, but it was Gwen and he was worried about her, so he grabbed his phone and instead of ghosting her until the next day, he called her.  
Gwen's eyes widened when she saw his name on her phone. He was FaceTiming her, just like they used to do almost every night before. She turned a lamp on before accepting the call, because she was completely in the dark.

“Hey Blakey” She smiled at her phone and at him. First thing she noticed was that he was looking really tired and like he had lost some weight too.

“Hey” He noticed she looked tired too, and was laying in bed, what probably meant she was having trouble falling asleep that night. “So, you’re working on new music? That is really good.” 

“Yeah, that’s all I’ve been doing and It’s all that is making me feel good these days.” Gwen started to talk excitedly, using her hands in a familiar way, like they were face to face. Blake felt so comfortable that he just stayed quiet and listened. “I only leave the studio when I’m with the kids, but I wish I had more time to work on lyrics. My head has been flooded with millions of ideas and I think I have some purpose after all this, you know what I’m saying?”

“Yes!” He showed her the same excitement. “This is awesome. I’m so glad. And also that means the industry will have a Gwen Stefani come back? What? It blows my mind.” They laughed together. The sound of their laughs getting mixed up was really comforting and they both got a warm sensation in their bodies. It was like they knew now that they could still act the same way they always did. “What about feeling free?” Blake asked after stopping smiling. “It’s good, isn’t it?

“Yeah.” Gwen agreed. “But lonely too.” She said that because she needed to let it out. A sharp pain crossed his heart. “Where are you? It’s 4 am, how come you’re not in bed?” 

“I fell asleep on the couch. Just woke up, actually.” Blake was honest. He always felt like he could tell her anything. They were both silent for a couple of seconds. “I miss talking to you.” He confessed with a whisper.

She felt so small because she knew she had hurt him. And she missed him so much that it felt like physical pain. “I wanted to apologize for that day.” Gwen was taking her chance and saying everything she’d been wanting to say for weeks. “The last time we talked wasn’t fair.”

“No, Gwen, please.” He pulled his body up to sit straight. “I’m kind of drunk right now.” 

“I thought you were sleeping.” She was watching him and could see, even through video, the way his blue eyes were full of apprehension. “Are you ok?”

Blake hesitated because he did not want to talk about himself or how terrible he had been this past couple of weeks. He wasn’t taking care of himself and he knew she would know. “I’m ok.” He lied to her. “Listen, don’t worry about the last time we talked, ok?”

“Actually, I’m worried about you right now.” Gwen said, also sitting up on the bed to look at him. “Are you back home?”

“Yeah, but don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” Blake waived his hand in the air. “This is the best place for me to be right now. I like to spend time out here.” He relaxed a little bit and lay his body back down on the couch.

She did the same, laying her head back on the pillow. He managed to distract her from the important subject. “How is it there?” Gwen asked. They were both facing their phones and looking at each other.

“Quiet.” He said. She smiled, so he continued to answer. “It’s just a very big piece of land that I have. I’m not really sure about what I want to do with it yet, but I want to build a forever home one day. For my family, I hope.” 

Gwen was still smiling. Her heart was melting while he talked about family and forever homes, but it was also tight and somewhat sad, although she knew it was selfish, because she should be very happy for him since he was heartbroken, but still dreaming about a better scenario for his life. 

“I’m proud of you.” She told him. It was easy to recognize that feeling. Although it was difficult to understand the reason why it was making her want to cry. Maybe because her hopes and dreams about that were getting smaller and smaller everyday. But she shouldn’t be envious of what he was able to feel. “I’d like to visit one day.”

“You can come whenever you want. Just let me know and I’ll pick you up at the airport.” For some reason, Blake felt like his heart was going to explode. It was stupid, he knew, but it was also really good to be able to imagine that she would be there one day and he would be able to show her his land and the small town he loved more than any other place in the world. Although he figured she would never really visit that place. 

They talked for what felt like hours, until both fell asleep, each in their own home, in different beds, but feeling so close and so comfortable about it that it was easy to completely forget everything about the last conversation they had.  
Gwen woke up before Blake in the morning, and laughed when she noticed his phone was on the floor, pointing to the ceiling and the only part of him she could see was his arm hanging off the couch. She ended the call right there because she had a full work schedule in the studio and a few more things she wanted to do with her day. 

***

Blake woke up feeling like a whole different person that day. Although his head and body were still suffering the effects of the booze, he was feeling way better than he felt any other day in the previous weeks. Cooking breakfast was the first thing he did that day, and then he worked on his garden and cleaned around inside too. Blake took a long fresh shower and by the time he was back outside the sun was already setting and the sky was beautifully colorful, a mix of orange, blue and pink. He sat on his porch, looking out and watching that natural phenomenon, waiting for the complete disappearance of the sun below the horizon, with a beer bottle in his hands. That was the first taste of alcohol he had all day. He enjoyed the day's farewell and received the night as an old friend, this time without that bad feeling of loneliness that had been making his chest ache.  
Blake took the beer bottle to his lips and the liquid went down his throat, causing a great feeling of refreshment. He was enjoying the end of his day for the first time in weeks and thinking about going to bed soon so he could wake up early and maybe go hunting the next morning, when suddenly the phone on his pocket started to ring. Blake picked it up and saw Gwen’s name and picture on his screen. He couldn’t think of a better way to finish that pleasant day than talking to her.

“Hey” He answered the regular call.

“Hey, where are you?” She asked. Her voice was weirdly anxious, he noticed.

“Home, why?” At that point he was anxious too. 

“Can you pick me up at the airport soon?” Gwen threw the question at him without any explanation.

Blake almost spat his beer. “What?”

“Oh please, don’t tell me that it wasn’t an invitation.” She got really worried for a second. 

“Wait, are you really coming? I-I didn’t think you would even want to come here.” Blake was so agitated that he had to stand up and put his bottle away. “Are you joking?”

“No, Blake!” Gwen wasn’t sure if she should be happy or really worried. “I’m about to get on a plane and be there soon, so if you don’t want that, please tell me now.” 

“Are you kidding me?” This time he laughed because he just couldn’t contain himself, but was still very confused. “Yes, of course I will pick you up at the airport.” His head started to set up a plan. “Wait, which airport?”

“Hm. I don’t know.” She pulled her ticket out of her purse. “Hm, Tulsa.”

Blake laughed nervously this time. “This is fucking far away, you know?” He ran his fingers through his hair, still thinking. “How about letting me know in advance next time?”

Gwen laughed too. “I’m sorry, I was trying to surprise you.” She knew that telling him when she was about to fly was a risk, so she wasn’t blaming him for his reaction. 

“Sure as hell did.” They both laughed.

“I can still cancel.” Her insecurities would take control sometimes, even though she was fighting her worst fears with that move. 

“No. Let me think.” Blake would never let her cancel her plans. He really wanted her there with him. “Airports are a terrible idea right now, people would see us together. I will pick you up, it’s just not going to be by car.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Just trust me. I will be there, ok?” He did not have time to explain what he was planning to do, he had to start doing it if he wanted it to be possible. “Call me when you arrive, I will let you know where you should meet me.”

“Ok, I trust you.” She smiled, although he couldn’t see it. 

They didn’t have much time to talk, Gwen had a plane to catch. Both said quick goodbyes on the phone, with the promise that they would see each other soon enough, in a matter of hours. They hang up and Blake had to start making other calls to set up his plan for her arrival. By that time the sky was already getting dark and he had missed the end of the sunset he wanted to watch, but it didn’t matter, he had another way of ending that day in his mind. A better way.


	8. Clear blue skies and a summer storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on, this is a big one and it’s set up as a roller coaster.
> 
> Ready. Set. Go.

“A helicopter, really?” Gwen was still getting out of the helicopter they used to fly from Tulsa to Tishomingo, and Blake offered his hand for her to hold on to while doing it. “Who knew you could be that fancy?” She was joking all the way there. 

“Ha! You’re really funny.” Blake appreciated the humor, but most importantly he knew he had made a good impression and his plan was successfully accomplished. “Be careful where you step now with those boots. They are not made for my place. I will have to teach you how to dress around here.” He held her arm to keep her body steady and close to him, and was also carrying her suitcase. “Thank you, Andrew.” 

“Thanks for the ride, Andrew.” She also thanked the pilot and the guy waved back to them. “Sorry, I didn’t have time to change. I came straight from the studio.”

“How was it today?” Blake was still guiding her to his truck that was parked exactly were he left it. They were already on his property, but still a little far away from his place. 

“Amazing!” Gwen smiled. He could hear the excitement in her voice. “I feel so much better doing some work. It’s like writing whatever I’m feeling helps me, you know? Like music is healing me.” 

He opened the truck’s door for her. “I think what you do is amazing.” She stopped in front of him before going in. “I’m sure the songs are amazing too.”

“I want to show you one of them, if you want to listen.” She sat on the front seat.

“Of course I want to listen to it.” Blake smiled at her before closing the car door, then he went around it to put her suitcase in the trunk, and made his way to the driver’s seat. 

The way to his place was troubled by an uneven dirt road. Gwen had to hold on to whatever she could, but the bumps and jumps were mostly funny for both of them. Blake would laugh each time she let out a surprised gasp, until they were in front of his gate and ready to go in.  
It was too late to show her around, and also too dark, so he promised he would do it the next morning. Gwen went into one of the cabins to take a shower and change. Her work day plus the flight there were tiring and she could just lay down and sleep right away, but it was not what she really wanted, so she put on some warm clothes – a sweater, comfortable pants and a different pair of boots, no high heels this time. — and headed outside. Blake had lit a big fire, the flames were bright and high, and he was sitting on a chair in front of it, drinking his beer. It took him a couple of seconds to notice her, but he smiled when he did. 

“Come here.” He said and she did. 

There was a chair for Gwen too, and a beer bottle. Blake was roasting corn and hot dogs, and a few marshmallows were waiting for their turn later. They ate together and she showed him a song she had recently written called ‘Red Flag’. The demo was only her voice and an acoustic guitar, and the lyrics were about the many times she ignored all the signs that her marriage was a failed relationship because there was something wrong with the person she thought she would spend her whole life with. It was a really honest and personal song, but Gwen explained she wasn’t going to make it sound sad. She was in the middle of writing more songs about her life, but the record label was trying to discourage her because they were sounding too personal and people wouldn’t relate to her work. Blake agreed that she should write about what she was feeling and no one but her should have a say in it. He told her that he was someone that would relate to that album for the most part, and if he could then probably a lot of people would. 

They spent hours talking in front of the fire. Gwen noticed that the dark blue sky was really beautiful, no clouds and full of bright stars. It was just a beautiful and good night overall. 

“It’s so cold out here.” She rubbed her own arms. 

“Yeah, it’s almost fall. We are having some pretty cold nights, but afternoons are damn hot.” He reached out to rub her arm too. “Here, you can wear my jacket.” And proceeded to take off the coat he was wearing.

“No, Blake, I’m fine.” She protested. 

“Come on, I’m used to it.” Blake would not take a no for an answer and Gwen knew it, so she just let him do whatever he wanted.

He stood up to help her put on his jacket. She was much more comfortable once she was wearing it. The item of clothing smelled like Blake and Gwen felt overwhelmed by that scent. It made her feel weirdly safe and comforted like she used to feel every time she was around him. 

“Hey Blake.” She called when he was sitting back on his chair. He looked at her without saying anything. “I don’t think we’re bad at love, I just think it’s complicated.” 

Blake felt like something was pressing against his chest, even breathing got difficult. He wasn’t expecting that conversation so soon, and wished they wouldn’t talk about it. Maybe even just pretending nothing ever happened would be more comfortable. “We are though.” He was honest. There was no running from that conversation if he wanted her in his life. Plus, she owned him that. “Especially you.”

“Me?” Gwen raised her eyebrows. 

“Yeah. You’ve been stuck in your head and I think sometimes you forget I’ve been hurt too.” It was great to take that out of his chest. It was really good, if he was honest. 

Her expressions twitched as if she was in pain. That wasn’t fun to watch. “W-what are you talking about? I never forget about your pain, I care too much about you, that’s my problem.”

“I know you do.” He softened his face and reached out again, this time to touch her hand. His finger tips caressed her palm, causing her whole body to react to it. Wanting more contact and more of him, she closed her fingers to hold his hand. “You just think too much. You should stop thinking about all the problems we could face. We are facing too much already.” Blake was quietly whispering the words to talk to her and Gwen was hypnotized. Her body leaned forward. “You should know that this right here is the one good thing we have.” He placed his other hand on her neck, fingers digging into her skin. She held her breath. Words almost escaping her mouth. Lips only a couple of inches away now. “You should give in. Stop fighting. You know you can’t.”

“I won’t fight.” Her voice wasn’t more than a breathless whisper either. “I don’t want to.” She closed her eyes, ready to do exactly what he was telling her to do. Give in to whatever they wanted.

Blake's lips lightly brushed hers and Gwen let out a low sigh of expectation. Then he leaned back, letting go of her neck and sitting straight on his chair again. “But I won’t do that now.” He said, taking his beer bottle to his lips like nothing happened. “I need to know you’re really ready first.”

Her eyes opened and widened. It took her a second to understand that he was getting back at her for ending whatever they had going on before, although they were both really into each other. It was only fair that he wanted to make sure she was all in this time, but he didn’t really need to tease her like that. Now her whole body wanted him so badly that she was a little uncomfortable being around him. 

Her mouth let out a long sigh. “I think I will go back to the cabin now. It’s getting late.” Gwen stood up and took his jacket off so she could give it back to him.

“You do that.” Blake had a amused smirk on his face. “I will take care of the fire. See you tomorrow.” 

“See ya.” She waved at him before turning around and leaving, barely being able to look in his direction. 

He was left alone with his newly acquired feeling of victory and the certainty that the next day would be full of new possibilities and lots of fun. 

***

Morning came and a heat weave hit Oklahoma like it was mid summer once again. Blake drove Gwen around his property to show her everything, he also gave her a quick tour of the small town, showing his favorite places. He explained to her that living in a small community had its perks, and that his over a thousand acres of land made his home not accessible to uninvited people, like the paparazzi. She didn’t remember when was the last time she felt so safe and free to be herself.  
To him, Gwen was especially beautiful that day, wearing a flowery dress. Her hair was down and wavy and she had a summer hat for when they got out of the car.  
He took her to the biggest lake on his property and they passed many of his wild animals on the way there. Some of them she had never really seen so up close before.

In the afternoon, when the sun was higher in the sky and a nice summer breeze was blowing, they set up a tablecloth under the shade of a big tree and had sandwiches together, with a clear view of the calm lake waters. After eating they lay down side by side, staring at the clear blue sky and talked about everything, from work plans to life expectations. It was as if they were back to the beginning of their friendship, except that divorce and heartbreak were not the subject. They were hoping they would get over that soon, even though they knew they would never forget it. 

“Wow, it’s so beautiful and quiet here.” Gwen had her eyes closed and was breathing in the fresh air. “It’s like heaven but it smells like fresh cut grass and lemon.”

“That’s cause the horses are not around.” He said. It made her giggle. 

The sight of her was breathtaking. His stare was stuck on the side of her face and the way her hair was falling down the curve of her neck and shoulders. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and the half smile she had dancing on her lips the whole day was tempting him. Blake had a plan and needed to stick to it, but oh, how he wanted to hold her face and kiss her lips. “You are so beautiful.” The words escaped his lips. 

Gwen turned to him, staring into his eyes. He recognized that look of curiosity and desire she had in hers: She wanted him. But he had a plan, right?  
She reached out one hand. The tip of her index finger touched his face and slowly traced his jaw line. It was Blake’s turn to hold his breath while he was still looking into her hypnotizing dark brown eyes. Her finger lightly touched his lips and then she moved her body closer. Blake’s hands grabbed her waist and he tried to hold her were she was, but it was too late, her lips touched his and that first contact made his whole body tremble. He was too weak not to give in, but he tried anyway, backing up a little and breaking the kiss. 

“Stop doing this!” Gwen whined and grabbed his shirt to pull him back to her.

“No, you stop it.” Blake frowned. “Stop kissing me when you don’t mean it.”

“I mean it, though.” She then pushed him away to sit back up. “What do I have to do? I told you I’m sorry.” 

He sat back up too. “Is it what you really want?”

“What?” She turned to look at him. 

“Me.” He said. “Because if it is, then fuck it, we will be together and I will give you my best, but I need you to be sure. I don’t want you to leave me tomorrow because you are confused.” 

Gwen understood it well and she knew he was right. She had a feeling he wanted to be sure she was all in too before anything else happened between them and that was her confirmation. At first she didn’t think she had an answer to his questions because she wasn’t sure about what she really wanted and what she felt for him, but as her eyes explored his blue ones and her mind took her back to the moments they spent together, she knew she had a clear answer to give. “I want you.” Gwen said, staring softly into his eyes now. “I want to be with you and give you all of me, or at least whatever is left. And, please, you have to understand that this feeling is scary and that I’m nervous because it’s good, but it hurts too.”

Blake’s face twitched. She was saying exactly what he wanted to hear, but it was easy to feel her pain through the words that came out of her mouth. He reached his arm to hug her and soon his other arm was also embracing her body. Gwen’s head was resting on his shoulder and she was holding him tightly too. Suddenly she wasn’t scared anymore. 

“Stay with me.” He asked her. “I won’t hurt you. I would hurt myself before ever hurting you.” Her body trembled and he tightened his embrace around her when she started sobbing. “Hey don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry.” She did her best to stop crying and hold her head up to look at him. “I think the real question is... Are you sure you want this?” 

Blake placed a long kiss against her forehead. “I was never that sure of something before in my life.” 

Gwen leaned her head back and he lowered his. Their lips touched again, but this time there was no holding back from either of them. The kiss was long, calm and affectionate. There was no rush to get anywhere or the urge to hide anything. They were alone and certain of what they were doing and feeling, so nothing else would be in their way. Well, except for the weather. The blue clear sky quickly gave way to a set of dark clouds, indicating that a summer storm was about to hit them, so they went back to the car and headed to Blake’s home. 

***

_“I'm gonna take a little time, a little time to look around me  
I've got nowhere left to hide, it looks like love has finally found me  
In my life there's been heartache and pain  
I don't know if I can face it again  
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far, to change this lonely life” _

The rain was falling furiously outside, hitting the roof tiles as if it demanded to be heard. Thunder rumbling near and far, but nothing was bothering either of them. Blake was sitting on the couch and Gwen was already on top of him. They were kissing urgently for a while, lips pressing, heads turning, her hands on his hair, his under her dress on her waist and thighs. Her lips went down his neck and one of his hands took the time to unzip her dress. They had to move a little so he could pull her dress up and take it off at once. She took his shirt off too, and unbuttoned his pants.

_“I want to know what love is, I want you to show me  
I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me  
I want to know what love is, I want you to show me  
(And I want to feel) I want to feel what love is  
(And I know) I know you can show me” _

His hands pulled her body even more to him and he knew he was losing his mind. Blake dug his fingers into the skin on her hips due to his desire to consume her aggressively immediately. It didn’t go unnoticed for her, she knew he was right where she wanted, so she got rid of her bra and and let him have a good view of her breasts right in front of his face. He was already breathless when his mouth closed on one of them and he sucked it hard. Gwen rolled her hips to tease him, pressing her body against his. Blake sighed heavily against her skin. She repeated her move until his hand went up and down, slapping her ass hard, causing her to moan.  
They didn’t really bothered with the rest of their clothes. She reached in his pants and noticed he was ready for her, so all that was left was positioning her hips over him. His fingers pulled her panties up and to the side and he slid in like he was made to fit inside of her. They both let out loud, breathless moans. 

Soon she was riding him, her body moving just the way he wanted her to. Hips dancing together and sounds of groans and sighs mixing to the one of the rain falling. One of his hands holding tightly to her waist, trying to guide her, even though he didn’t need to, and the other was pulling firmly on her hair. Her nails were on the skin on his back, digging some more pleasure out of him. Bodies were going back and forth in a wave of lust and hunger that they both didn’t even remember they had. Their eyes were locked in one another until they couldn’t control anything anymore.  
The intense pleasure hit his body first, making him groan and grab her to change positions. Blake threw Gwen on the couch and invested heavily against her hips, increasing the speed of his movements. She was so lost in that moment that her legs circled his waist and she pressed her hips against him, quickly giving in to her pleasure too. She screamed his name and he bit her neck to muffle his loud groans.

Tired and satisfied bodies fell side by side on the couch. Both were breathless and had fast beating hearts. He opened his eyes to look at her. She was sweaty, her mouth was slightly open while she tried to regulate her breathing, and her hair was a mess. Even with all of that, it was when she looked better in his opinion, because she looked relaxed and happy. Gwen couldn’t remember when was the last time her body felt something so intense like that. Well, except for the last time she and Blake had sex. There was no doubt he was making her feel things she didn’t even know she still wanted to feel.  
They were both silent, except for the heavy breathing, until Blake laughed. She finally opened her eyes to look at him. 

“What is it?” Gwen asked, but she was also giggling. 

“Nothing.” He leaned over so his lips could touch her chin. He placed a couple of kisses there. “I’m just happy.” Her face got soft and her arms circled his body to hug him again. He hugged her back and they stayed silent for a a few seconds, until Blake spoke again. “I don’t want to hide this anymore.” 

She looked at him. “What do you mean?”

“I want to be able to tell our friends, my family and people I care about. I’m tired of them not knowing that I have something good right here.” He tightened his arms around her.

Gwen thought about that for a second and almost ran out of air. Going through a divorce in front of everybody’s eyes was hard – some things she would read about herself, her life and even her kids were still very painful – but publicly taking on a new relationship in that short amount of time would be even worse. 

“No.” she said without having to think it through.

Blake looked at her and waited a second before realizing that was all she was going to say. “No?” He asked, trying to get anything else out of her.

“No.” She repeated the word and let go of their hug to sit up on the couch. “I’m not ready.”

“What now?” His voice tone was showing clear signs of frustration. “You want to hide it?” She was putting her bra back on and had her back to him. Blake grabbed her arm so he could have her full attention. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want people to know you are with me. Be honest at least.” 

“That’s not it.” Gwen freed her arm from his grip and stood up. 

“What is it then, Gwen?” Blake stoop up too and pulled his pants up while she was putting her dress back on and trying to zip it. “Gwen?” He reached towards her arm again, but she dodged him. 

Gwen turned around to face him. Her eyes were dark and they had lost most of their kindness. “You don’t understand, do you?” Her voice was loud and clear, but her tone was more than frustrated. It was something that looked a lot like rage, and he had never seen her like that. “If they see you with me they will pat your back and tell you how great you are because you’ve moved on. But they will call me a whore behind mine because I’m already fucking another man.” She screamed at the end, trying to expel that uninvited anger from her. 

It didn’t take Blake one single second to understand he was wrong and had no reason to be frustrated. The world was never going to treat her the same way it treated him and it was easy for any man to forget about that. By the time his head got to that conclusion – although it was fast – she was already walking out of the door. 

“Gwen!” He grabbed his jacket to run out too. 

The freezing rain was pouring. The cold drops seemed to cut through her bare skin as she ran barefoot across the lawn toward the cabin. But he stopped her halfway. 

“What are you doing?” Blake held her against his body and protected her head and shoulders with his jacket. “I’m sorry.” He had to speak over the storm noises. “I was an ass and I was wrong. I understand if you don’t want to be with me right now, but please, go back inside.” 

“Please, don’t talk to me like I’m ashamed of you or like I don’t like you.” Gwen lifted her head to look at him. Her face was wet, a mix of rain and tears. “That’s not me, Blake. Maybe you don’t know me.” 

He felt like she was slipping through his fingers and it was all his fault. He couldn’t let that happen. “I’m really sorry.” His eyes filled with tears too. “I’m scared too, you know? And maybe I don’t know everything about you, but I want to.” She could see in his eyes that he was being honest. This time he couldn’t hide how emotional he was getting, and it didn’t seem like he needed to. “We will do it your way. I won’t insist anymore” Gwen’s hand went up to his face and Blake’s arm tightened around her body. “Please?” He asked, his voice just a little above a whisper. 

They stared into each other’s eyes for one second and she nodded. His body leaned immediately towards her and their lips touched for a wet kiss under the rain. Blake was relieved, and Gwen felt like she was finally being heard and considered. Everybody was liable to make mistakes, God knew she made thousands of them. But not many times she had met a man who was able to admit he was wrong and apologized for it. And he did not tend to commit a lot of mistakes.  
His jacket fell down on the floor when their heads started to turn as their tongues touched, but the freezing drops were not bothering them anymore. In that kiss and embrace they were warm and safe from everything and everyone. Although they both confessed how scared they were, both Blake and Gwen had their hearts open to the new feelings they would start to experience from there on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Please let me know what you think of this one.


	9. Big city lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve been reading this you know it’s just a soft story about how they fell in love, but you also know it’s 18+, right? 
> 
> Not many chapters left now, guys, but I still have a couple more situations to write about.  
> Hope you like this one.

Blake was laying in bed, but his eyes were wide open. He was watching the way her body was moving on top of him. Gwen was sitting on him, riding him, and her hips were moving rhythmically, back and forth, still slowly. His hands were holding her waist, fingers digging into her soft skin, and he was just looking at her while she was moaning and panting. There was no sight that could ever be more enjoyable than watching her slowly losing control as she rode him, guiding them to whatever rhythm she wanted. Her head was tilted back and her eyes were closed. She was completely naked and Blake was enjoying that so much that he almost lost control too. His hands went up and he grabbed both of her breasts. Gwen opened her eyes to look at him, and a breathless moan escaped her lips as she leaned forward to lay on top of him. They soon were chest to chest, lips and tongues getting lost in one another, his hands holding her wrists over his head, to try to regain some control, but it was her body that was pressing his and moving to set a faster pace. She pressed herself against him, making him go even deeper inside of her. He gasped, panting while she was moaning in his ear. Suddenly Blake knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold himself since he wasn’t even thinking anymore. His hands quickly hold her waist and they rolled in bed until he was on top of her.

Gwen stared at him with fire in her eyes – the good and exciting kind of fire. “Fuck me hard.” She whispered. Eyes locked on his, making it impossible not to have her wish immediately fulfilled. His body reacted instinctively, thrusting hard against hers. She screamed with pleasure and dug her nails in the skin on his back. “Blake—” Her breathing was irregular when she moaned his name.

He didn’t stop. He knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it. His body was moving against hers now while she rocked her rips again and again. They got faster and more intense until neither of them could hold the orgasm anymore. The intense pleasure came like a very strong wave and they were both hit almost at the same time, and then all they could hear was the way Gwen would moan and scream while Blake was grunting and gasping.  
They finished together what they’ve started, and it was as pleasant and satisfying as always. 

At that point, they were already dating for a few weeks or so. Their time together in Oklahoma was more than a month ago. They had little time to be together, since Gwen was always in California, with her boys, and Blake was spending all of his time at home, in Oklahoma, but they would see each other every single time they could. This time it wasn’t LA or Orange County and it wasn’t Tishomingo or lake Texoma either, they were together in New York for a couple of press days for ‘The Voice’, but they were not the only ones, the other two coaches were there too.

Blake’s body rolled over to the side, taking his weight off of her. Gwen was still panting like she didn’t know how to breathe the right way. She turned to her side so she could look at him. They softly smiled at each other. His hand reached to touch her face and he tenderly stroke her cheek with his thumb. His eyes were soft. She got closer to him, her body looking for the warmth of his, and hid her face in the curve on his neck as he pressed his lips to her forehead. Their arms crossed each other’s body and they just stayed there, quietly embracing the other one, breaths getting back to the normal rhythm and hearts slowing down. Blake’s hand was stroking Gwen’s hair and she would plant light kisses on his neck. They were getting so used to each other that it would often be difficult to just be apart. Enjoying every second they had together was like a life goal to them now. 

“Adam wants us to have dinner together.” Blake said, breaking the silence. His lips still brushing against her skin. 

“Aw, really?” She lifted her head to look at him. “When?” 

He couldn’t help but notice Gwen didn’t sound too excited. His lips couldn’t resist touching hers lightly. “After the Fallon show, tonight.” 

“What? No, Blakey.” She whined and hid her face again. “I thought we’re going to be together here every night.” 

“I know, but I thought it would be really weird if we both said we couldn’t make it. I mean, there’s really nothing else we have to do here besides press.” Blake was right, they could never get away with it.

“And sex.” She teased.

“And sex, but they don’t know about that.” He laughed and kissed the tip of her nose. 

“I know.” Her jaw went up and lower lip pointed out, indicating she wasn’t happy with none of that. “It will be very difficult, won’t it? To go out together and not be together.” 

Blake nodded. “Yes, I think it will be. If only we could tell them.” 

“We’ve talked about this.” She looked up again, because she wanted to look at him. “It’s too soon.”

He wasn’t looking like he wanted to push her and he had been very good about it since they agreed to be discreet. “It’s ok, pretty girl.” He reassured her. “We just need to go out and have dinner with friends, then we come back here and spend the night together, only me and you, ok?” 

“Ok.” Gwen happily smiled and snuggled closer to Blake. He held her tightly and stoke her arm with one of his hands. 

It was only the first day in that hotel together, and they would have to pretend nothing was happening between them to the other ones. They were very aware it would be difficult, because they were very much drawn to each other every time they were close enough, just like they were clinging to each other, taking up a little space of that huge California king bed.

Suddenly, she lifted her torso to face him. “Can we do it again now?” She asked, as simple as if she was making up some small talk. But her legs were already moving so she could sit on him again.

“Oh my God, woman.” Blake laughed. “Hell yes, we can.”

***

A little later in the afternoon, Adam invited Gwen to dinner too. Turns out they were supposed to just stay at the hotel’s restaurant. It was a very good one and they knew it, but it was also way more private than any street restaurants. And by the end of their dinner, all they would need to do would be get in the elevator and go back to their rooms. 

The Tonight Show was a blast like it would always be. Jimmy Fallon was funny and a good friend to all of them. They played a silly spin the microphone game and Gwen got to sing with Blake – well, kind of, since he didn’t know the lyrics to Hotline bling. She couldn’t help to think about the last time they were in that show together, and couldn’t believe they lip sync to ‘Endless Love’ by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie. Life surely worked mysterious ways. 

They headed back to the hotel right after, still laughing about the game and joking about Blake buying the song on ITunes. Didn’t have to change or anything, they went straight up to the restaurant on the 12th floor. Adam had chosen a very private table for them too, in the corner of the restaurant, next to a big window that would give them a perfect view of the city down bellow. The place had poor central lighting and a couple of candles on the table, but it was on purpose, so people would pay attention to the view outside and not to the other tables.  
The four coaches sat together in their table. Pharrell and Adam on one side and Gwen e Blake on the other. He let her sit next to the big window and she gave him a discreet grateful look when she noticed how beautiful the city lights were that night. But, different from Blake’s place in Oklahoma, you could never see the stars in New York City.

Once they ordered dinner, food was ready fast and it was delicious. Gwen quickly added that place to the list of restaurants she would like to visit more times. Their friend’s company was really enjoyable too, even when Adam and Blake were picking on each other. It would always feel so comfortable and like home when she was with them. On the worst moment of her life the three of them were right by her side. They cheered her up and cherished her when she wasn’t even sure about herself. They were not the only ones, of course, she had a lot of good people in her life, but she felt like she needed to personally thank each person who helped her get up when she thought she wasn’t going to be able to. 

“Hey guys.” Gwen broke the brief silence that was due to the newly arrived dessert. “I just wanted to thank you for our friendship. I mean, you guys really helped me to get out of the hole I was in and now that I’m in a very different and way better place in my life, I feel like I need to thank you, so know I’m very grateful to you.”

“Aw, you don’t need to thank us, boo.” Pharrell was the first one to say something.

“No, really, we thank you for going through what you were going through and putting up with us at the same time. It’s not easy.” Adam added. They laughed.

“We love you.” Blake smiled, making the other ones sigh on purpose, to tease him. It wasn’t something he used to say so easily. 

“I love you guys too.” Gwen mewled. “You’re going to make me cry. I’m so happy!”

“Let’s make a toast to this happiness then.” Pharrell suggested, already putting his glass up. 

“To Gwen’s happiness.” Adam and Blake said while the four glasses touched and clicked. “Cheers!”

“Ok, I’m really going to cry right now.” But she was laughing. 

They knew she would really cry if the conversation kept going that way, so they quickly changed the subject to something else. The boys were really engaged in a new conversation, laughing about something Gwen wasn’t paying attention to. She was actually still stuck in her own head. It was overwhelming to look back a few months and realize she thought she was done and had no way out. Or that her life wasn’t going to be the same and that she had lost whatever good part of herself she still had. But then she could see herself differently now, she had discovered parts of her that she didn’t even know before. She was way past the crying part, the numb part, the ‘sorry for herself’ part, and she was happy again. She had her sons, her career, her family and a partner she never really imagined she could have. Her eyes drifted to Blake’s face as he was laughing at something Adam was telling him. He was so good to her, so understanding of their differences and so present in her life, even when he was far away. He was interested in everything she was, her gains and losses, ups and downs, past, present and her future. She wasn’t afraid of telling him anything about her, so why was she so afraid of opening that up to other people? She didn’t think she had anything to hide at that point, it was only the fact that she was afraid people would ruin what they had, because it was too pure and precious for any ordinary people to understand.

And while she was lost in the wonders of her own mind, her phone buzzed on the table. It took her a couple of seconds to take her eyes of Blake’s face to grab the cellphone. To her surprise, it was a text from him. She didn't even notice he was texting.

_Are you ok? I wish I could hold your hand right now. I’m sorry._

Her heart ached for a second. Why did they have to do that? Her hand immediately looked for his under the table and she found it over his lap. She heard Blake’s voice break a little when their fingers touched, but he carried on like he just needed to clear his throat. All it took was a single innocent brush of their skin and they got stuck to each other right away. Fingers intertwined like their hands needed that. That warm touch was the best thing they felt since the brief hug they shared on the Tonight Show. Pharrell and Adam were still talking, but neither of them were paying attention. Gwen turned her face to look at Blake and their eyes instantly met, since he was already looking at her. Her eyes had a happy sparkle when she smiled at him. His heart melted. The world was definitely a better place whenever she smiled.  
She felt such affection for him. It was as if her heart was open for Blake to enter and to take whatever he wanted, without further high walls and other forms of protection. He took it all down when he decided to take care of her. And now she would wake up every day so grateful she was no longer lost. She was found. 

Her thumb stroke his hand, slowly and tenderly. Neither of them could really hear the conversation that was going on between their friends anymore, due to the way their hearts were beating loud. It was Gwen who leaned forward towards him, but Blake welcomed her without having to think twice. Their lips lightly touched at first, but that was enough for them to completely forget where they were and who they were with. In that moment there was nobody else in the world, they were the only ones who mattered. The kiss was slow, but intense, as if they missed each other, although they were together the whole day. Both tongues tasted like chocolate pudding and Blake’s had a touch of whiskey too. His other hand went up to her face and he briefly caressed her cheek. 

“Ahn… excuse me?” Someone cleared their throat. They didn’t stop.

“I knew it. I knew it since the beginning.” The second voice was a little louder, but it didn’t bother them. “So… This is kind of gross. Can you stop now?” They also didn’t listen, so, soon a crumpled piece of napkin flew towards them, hitting Blake in the neck.

“What the hell?” He complained after breaking the kiss.

“Are you two dating?” Pharrell was looking at them and he looked way more surprised them Adam. 

“Yes.” Gwen confirmed and the butterflies on her stomach flew all over her. That was the first time she was talking about it out loud and it was giving her goosebumps. 

“I knew it.” Adam repeated. “I knew it since the blinds.” 

“We were not dating on the blinds. That was just you being nosy.” Blake teased him.

“We were.” She wanted to end the argument. “Kind of.” They were all laughing.

“We were just messing around.” He corrected her sentence and they laughed even more.

“Gross” Adam teased them.

“Hey, I’m really happy for you guys.” Pharrell took it to a more emotional and less playful place. “And I’m also really proud that you overcame anything bad to find something good.”

“Aw, that’s really nice, P.” Gwen reached out to hold her friend’s hand. “Thank you.”

“I think this is weird.” Adam frowned. “I mean, why is Gwen even looking at Blake?”

“I know!” The cowboy laughed and she protested in the background.

Adam’s face soon was turning soft again. “But I love both of you and even though you look different in every possible way, I know that what’s inside of your hearts is pretty similar. As long as this is something good for both of you, I think it’s great.”

Gwen sighed with happiness and even Pharrell was smiling.

Blake reached his hand to pat Adam’s shoulder. “Ok, now shut up and drink.” He pushed his friend's glass to him. “You didn’t drink enough and you’re talking like a drunk girl already.” 

They all laughed again and started a conversation about the beginning of their story. Blake told them about how he only felt better about the mess he was in when he started to talk about it with Gwen by e-mail, and that it all started this way, without any other intention, until he got so attached that he would wake up and she was all he would think about. She was surprised to hear that, although they really had something good and rare, she wasn’t aware of Blake feeling something for her since the beginning when they were just exchanging texts and talking on the phone about their divorce. It only made her feel more appreciation for him and it also got her questioning herself. Her feelings for Blake have matured so naturally that she wasn’t able to tell exactly when she had fallen in love with him. 

Later that night, when they were together in her hotel room, laying in bed and holding on to each other in the dark, all Gwen could think of was the way she was feeling free, happy and loved. She remembered feeling like that a couple of times in her life before, but never that often. Happiness wasn’t a moment anymore, it was a way of being.

Blake’s lips touched her forehead and he placed a couple of kisses on her temple as if he could hear her thinking. She raised her head to look at him. They were right back to where they were earlier that day, and right where they wanted to be. 

His calm blue eyes looked deep inside of her brown ones as his fingers traced the outline of her face, caressing her smooth skin. “I’m in love with you.” He whispered. His eyes were soft and full of affection. 

Gwen felt her eyes watering, but she wasn’t sad this time, she was as happy as one could be. “I was just thinking that.” She whispered back. 

Their lips touched and they shared a brief sweet kiss. That feeling didn’t need anymore words. It was clear that it was something special and mutual. Blake tightened his arms around her and she snuggled to him. They were both silently capturing that moment forever, but not only that one. They knew they were going to remember that day for the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying it.


	10. Where else would I go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took longer. 
> 
> I will have one or maybe two more chapters for you and that’s it for this one guys. Just a fluffy story about how I imagine them falling in love.

“I wrote a song about you. About us.” He had said to her earlier that day on a call, but she didn’t have time to sit down and listen to the voice memo he had sent. Or maybe she did have the time, but was too scared to do it.

The thing was, they were in a relationship for only a few months and still, for most of it they were apart. It’s not like she didn’t know Blake, but Gwen just wasn’t sure about what to say if the song wasn’t what she was expecting. She couldn’t say her expectations for songwriting were low or that she wouldn’t really care about whatever he was willing to write about them. She had written so many songs in her life, very different ones too, but having someone writing about her was a special thing and Gwen was afraid it was too soon to write a song about what they had, but more than that, she was afraid he didn’t have anything good to say about her. 

In the afternoon, when the kids were playing outside and she was sitting on the porch with a fresh squeezed orange juice in her hands and Apollo napping on the stroller next to her, Gwen put on her headphones and finally had the courage and a little quiet time do listen to Blake’s voice memo. She closed her eyes as soon as she heard the first guitar note. It took a couple of seconds, but his voice also filled her ears and her mind. It was easy to imagine him right there, next to her. 

_The sun is setting on your last good try  
Here I am again with half a goodbye  
Wonder if you're really gone this time  
Just when I'm about to lose my mind_

Gwen opened her eyes. The first verse hit her unexpectedly like a cold ocean’s wave on a very hot day. It was definitely not what she was expecting, but in a weirdly good way. It was so honest and strong, she couldn’t even breath for a few seconds. He was telling their story, but through his eyes and heart. She wasn’t sure if he was ever that open about how he felt every time she changed her mind before. As she stared at the very blue Los Angeles’ sky, Blake’s voice proceeded to tell their story into her ears. 

_There you are again on my phone  
The moon is rising and you're all alone  
Maybe we could just hang a while  
Maybe we can make each other smile_

She smiled. It was very easy to recognize each moment that they had been through that he was talking about in that song, and the melody was really good too, although it was probably not finished yet. Gwen could imagine herself sitting in front of the fire in Oklahoma, listening to Blake serenading her with their own story in the most pure form of music. The guitar and his voice, that would be all, she didn’t need anything else. 

_Oh no, here I go  
Why don't you go ahead and break my heart?  
Why are you waiting, is it way too hard?  
If moving on is what you wanna do  
Why don't you do it?  
Why don't you do it, baby? _

This time she laughed and it was loud enough to make little Apollo sigh and move on his stroller. “Sorry, baby.” Gwen whispered, but her mind went right back to Blake and the song. He was right, why did she wait so much? Why didn’t she do it faster? She was so much better and happier now that she was free enough to be with him, that it just sounded crazy to have waited so much. But she had no intention to break his heart, neither then nor now, although she understood the reference to the many heartbreaks they both had in their lives. 

_You can't tell me that we'll still be friends  
And maybe someday we can try again  
If you really need a brand new start  
Why don't you go ahead and break my heart? _

His heart was really open in the lyrics, the song’s storyline was very honestly how it all happened in the beginning – she didn’t even remembered how many times they’ve talked about trying to only be friends. Or maybe it was just her — it wasn’t too romantic or too desperate for attention, and mixing all the emotions and sincerity of it, it was a really good song. Gwen was really happy that Blake felt like writing about them and didn’t make up a fairytale instead of being honest about their troubled beginnings. They’ve been through a lot to be where they were now, and it was really good to see it represented in the lyrics that came pouring out of his heart like that. 

_It’s not much and it’s not finished, but I thought you should listen to it. I want to see if you like it and then maybe I’ll finish it, or not._ — Said the text message he sent after the voice memo, hours ago. 

Gwen looked around to find Kingston and Zuma playing together in the backyard. They seemed to be getting along nicely, so she grabbed Apollo’s stroller and pushed it inside through the back door, getting in the kitchen. She could still see the two older ones through the big windows open to the back of the house, so it was probably ok to leave them for a couple of minutes. She grabbed her phone and quickly was calling Blake’s number. 

“Hey, pretty girl!” He picked up faster than she was expecting.

“Hey, Blakey!” Gwen smiled, even though he couldn’t see her. “I just heard the song and, oh my god, it’s so good. Did you write it all by yourself?” She knew most of Blake’s songs came from songwriters and were not his own, so she wasn’t aware of his writing and storytelling talents. 

“Yeah. I’m sure I was drunk for most of it.” Blake confirmed, but he was laughing. “So you liked it?”

“I loved it. Really.” She said softly. “It’s so honest and real.”

“I was afraid you’re going to think it was too personal and I would let it go if you did. But I’m really glad you liked it.” He was smiling too, and a little relieved, until something occurred to him. “Hey, maybe write something too. Finish the song.”

“Me?” Gwen was not expecting that either. “What? No. It’s your song and it’s perfect like this.” She shook her head as if the idea was absurd. 

“It’s ok, I’ll get to it when I can then.” Blake understood her statement, she didn’t have to say it twice and it was ok, he could finish it on his own. 

“Hey, so what are you doing this weekend?” She suddenly asked.

“Uh, nothing different from the normal farm routine, I believe.” He didn't know why, but was suspicious of that question. Nothing bad, of course, but he believed there was something else to it besides her curiosity. “Why?”

“The routine I love? Waking up with the firsts sun rays, going out in the dirt, picking things and feeding animals?” She joked.

“Exactly, things like this.” He laughed. “Hope you’ll like it someday.”

“Hey, I don’t hate it.” She explained herself, even though she was aware he knew it. “I was wondering if you wanted to come over here and have dinner with us on Saturday.” Gwen was a little unsure when she said that, he could hear it in her voice. 

Blake got confused. “You and who else?” He knew there was more to it. 

“Me and… The kids.” She told him. “And maybe my mom.”

“Really?” Blake was really not expecting that, he didn’t even know exactly what to say. He knew it was a big step for her and for them, so he really didn’t want to screw it up. “Yes, of course I’ll have dinner with you.”

“Are you sure? It’s ok if you can’t right now.” She wanted to be very open with him and let him know he had the choice to say no to that. It could be too early, too confusing, too much of a commitment or even too weird. “It’s also ok if you don’t want to.”

“Are you kidding me? It’s all I want.” He smiled again, even if he wasn’t planning on it. “I really want to spend more time with the boys. You know I love to be around them.” His voice was legitimately excited, it was impossible for any of them to deny it.

“Ok. I will see you Saturday then.” Gwen happily sighed. “I can’t wait to see you.”

“I can’t wait too see you either. I miss you.” Blake said back.

“I miss you too. Can’t wait to kiss you either.” Her voice tone changed a little, going from something sweet and caring to a more sexy and teasing one.

That didn’t go unnoticed to him. “Oh I miss your lips so much, and other things too, like your body under mine. Or over, you can chose, I like both.” While he was speaking, she turned around once again to take a peek at her kids. 

Apollo was still napping on his stroller, Zuma was playing with their toys on the same spot where she left them, and Kingston was… No where to be found – she scanned the whole backyard. “Oh my God!” Her heart was beating fast and loud, she wasn’t even able to hear anything else. 

“What happened?” Blake asked, on the other side. 

“I-I don’t know.” Gwen quickly moved towards the door so she could have a better view of the entire backyard, but as soon as she did, she didn’t have to look anymore. Her older son was standing right there at the door, inside of the kitchen, looking at her, and she was so amused by her conversation with Blake that she couldn’t even say for how long he was listening to them. “Nothing. I gotta go.” She said to Blake and didn’t wait for an answer. She ended the call. 

The boy just quietly stared at her and she never felt so judged in her whole life, even though she knew it was probably just something that was in her head. “What’s wrong, King?” She didn’t want to access the problem, not even to check if her son had heard something or not, so she asked that vague question. Meanwhile, her head was working fast to recreate all of her conversation with Blake, step by step, to make sure she didn’t say anything she shouldn’t. She could still hear her heart beating fast in her chest.

“Can I ask you something?” Kingston stopped staring and took some steps towards his mom. He was also not really sure about that conversation or if he was going to be punished for listening behind the door, but he was curious and that was his mom, he could talk to her about anything. Gwen nodded, since she could barely speak. Her stomach was upset and she felt like throwing up, but it was only because she was really nervous. “Are you dating Blake Shelton?” He went straight to the point.

This time she felt like passing out. She was planning on sitting with her three sons before or after the dinner on Saturday and telling them about Blake, she would have her mom’s support since she would know soon too, and everything would be perfect and normal. How was she supposed to answer it like that? She wasn’t prepared for it. So instead of answering, she threw another question at him. “Who told you that?” 

“Some people at school are talking about it. They say you cheated on dad and that you’re dating Blake.” The boy said at once, taking a deep breath after. “They say dad cheated on you too.” It was clearly difficult for him to talk about that. At that point, she didn’t even know for how long her son was holding that inside of him and thinking about it. “Cheating is really bad, right?”

Her head was spinning too. That conversation was overdue, it’s true, but it was too many traumatic things at once, she needed to handle with care. “Come here, baby.” Gwen took a quick look in Zuma’s direction, but the boy was still quietly playing in the backyard, so she sat on one of the chairs on her kitchen island and gestured to Kingston so he would do the same, and he sat right next to her. “We’ve already talked about not believing anyone else about our own lives, remember? No one in school knows anything, magazines don’t know anything, the internet knows nothing, and even the neighbors don’t know anything.” She caressed her sons arm while talking to him. Her heart was aching just to think about what was going through his mind in the middle of that very public and messy divorce she and his father were going through. “If you have something to ask or to talk about, you need to come to us, your family, ok? Nobody else knows.” 

“So…” The boy took a deep breath once again. “Are you dating Blake?”

Gwen felt her heart starting to accelerate one more time. He wasn’t going to drop it and she was going to have to answer it. “No.” She lied. The lie went up her throat and out of her mouth painfully, but she did lie.

“No?” The boy looked confused and wasn’t looking very relieved. It was as if he was a little disappointed. Maybe he knew it was a lie, she thought. “But—”

“No buts.” She was quick to interrupt him. “This is just some crazy talk, and this is why you need to come to me and ask me, ok? Just like this story about how I cheated on your father. I did not cheat. I would never.” She wasn’t going to say his dad did it, even though one day her son would know. “You just need to ask me and I will tell you.” 

“Promise?” He asked.

Her stomach started to ache again. “I promise.” Gwen lied once more. That was the problem with lies, the first one was never the last. “Now can you go get Zuma? Tell him to come inside, it’s time for bath and dinner is soon.”

“I’ll go get him.” King smiled at her. 

His innocent face making her heart hurt like it was cutting through it to expose her recent lies. But he was too young to understand the entirety of that mess and he would know about Blake soon enough. “Wait. Come here.” Gwen pulled her son to her lap when he was going down the tall chair and planted many kisses on his cheeks. The boy giggled while whining about it.

“Stop it, mom!” They were both laughing. 

She put him down right after, still smiling at him. “Don’t rush things, ok? I’m sorry life is a little weird right now, but it will get better, I promise. I love you.”

He nodded. “I love you too.”

***

It was a cloudy afternoon, but the weather was hot like it always was in Los Angeles. Blake got there in the morning and noted the dark clouds that made the city look gloomy. He didn’t remember if he ever saw rain in LA, but he couldn’t deny it looked like there’s a big storm coming, so maybe he was going to see it for the first time.  
And, about first times, it was the weekend, but he wasn’t there for work or anything. The only reason why Blake was in California that day was because he was going to have dinner with Gwen and her family. That was also a first. He wondered if it was too weird to feel nervous about it, because he was very nervous. He had called many times to ask if he needed to bring something, and although it was strange to arrive with empty hands, she had said no every single one of them and he was going to respect that. 

He wasn’t the only nervous one, though. Gwen was nerve racking all day. She changed the dinner menu twice, tortured her mom with questions, changed her clothes so many times she couldn’t even count anymore, until she stopped to look at herself on the big mirror in her closet. She took a deep breath. “It will be ok.” She told herself while staring at her red dress, black heels and usual red lips, second guessing it all yet another time. She put her hair up in many different ways before brushing it down and deciding to leave it that way. By the time she was almost ready, she could already hear the boys fighting, Apollo crying and someone screaming.  
She sighed. Maybe it wasn’t going to be ok. Anyone could take a single look at that and run away, even Blake. 

As Gwen was seriously considering to tell him that she was sick, vomiting her insides out or maybe dying – anything that would make him want to stay away — her phone rang and there was a new text notification. She thought about Blake probably being on his way and brushed away any crazy thoughts about fake diseases. But it wasn’t him, it was a unknown, yet very familiar number.

_I wasn’t going to send this, but I’m doing it for my family. I know what you are doing today, my son told me and although you lied to him, you can’t lie to me. Are you going to bring everyone you fuck home to meet your sons? Why are you even doing this? This is really fucked up. You should’ve talked to me about it._

There was no doubt about who that was and what he wanted. Her ex husband surely had a strong desire to ruin what was supposed to be a great night that she would spend with the people she loved the most all together. That man was probably never going to stop trying to ruin her life, and the sad part was Gwen had just realized that he would always have a good chance to succeed. She didn’t even know why she was even considering a single word of what he said, but she couldn’t deny the thoughts and doubts in her mind. The whole day was spent trying to make herself, her house, her kids and her life look a little better for Blake, because it was all still a big mess, which she wasn’t sure he would want to be part of. She was insecure about every single step she took since she woke up and got out of bed, and it wasn’t supposed to be that way. And also, her new relationship would probably be too much for her kids, who were still adjusting to a new life in between houses and parents. It all was just too soon.

Gwen left the bedroom still thinking about all of that. Her head was spinning again while she went down the stairs, hearing the chaos that was going on somewhere on the first floor. She followed the screams to the kitchen and found Apollo having a full meltdown while Kingston and Zuma ran around his stroller trying to get each other — if it was a game or a fight, she wasn’t sure — and her mom screaming at them and trying to cook something at the same time. 

“Stop!” She yelled at them all and went straight to her youngest one to pick him up. “You two better behave or I will make you eat in your room.” 

“No!” Zuma whined. “We want to eat with Blake.”

“Well, maybe he’s not even coming.” She talked back like her and her son were the same age. “He doesn’t want to spend time with boys who don’t behave.”

Both Kingston and Zuma stopped whatever they were doing to look at her. Apollo had stopped crying too, but still looked very sad. The silence was refreshing for a second, then Gwen started to feel bad again.

“What?” Her mom was also paying attention to her. She had even forgotten about her presence for a minute. 

“Out, please.” She pointed to the living room, indicating the way to the two older boys. “And behave!” They obeyed and left, so she could give her mom the attention they both deserved. “I can’t do this today, mom. Look at me, I’m a mess. Look at us.” 

“What do you mean?” The older woman turned the stove off and looked at her daughter with her full attention too. “I look at you and I see a beautiful woman. And you may not have it all figured out right now, but who does?” Her mom stopped and Gwen was about to talk, but she interrupted and kept speaking. “Do you remember what I told you when you told me about him?”

“That I was crazy to put myself in this position again so fast?” She answered fast, no need to think about it. “Oh yes, I remember very well.”

“And do you remember that you told me I was going to understand it once I saw you two together?” It wasn’t a question, her mom was just presenting the facts. She did remember that, and it made her heart hurt. Something on her face gave that way, because her mother took a step forward and hugged her and Apollo together. “I want to see you two together. I want to make sure you are in good hands and maybe I will worry less. I never intended to judge you, I’m just worried about you.” She planted a kiss on her daughter’s forehead. “No one should judge you for trying to be happy despite all that happened to you. You just need to be yourself, it’s enough.”

Gwen stayed silent for a few seconds, absorbing those words and advices to the point she knew she understood it and would never forget. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.” She sighed and used her free arm to hug her mom even more. “I love you. Thank you.” Apollo complained about being squeezed in the middle and they laughed.

“I love you too. Now you should go check on the other two. They’re too quiet.” The older woman broke their hug. “And let me finish cooking or I won’t be able to entertain your guest, or feed him.” 

“Oh no. I’m leaving you right now.” The daughter joked and proceeded to leave the kitchen with the baby in her arms. 

She checked on the two boys in the living room, but they were quiet watching tv, so she put Apollo down on his bouncer chair and gave him a snack since he was the only one who had already eaten. Gwen went back upstairs after that, and grabbed her phone to call the last number she had called earlier. 

“Hey!” Blake would always pick up fast when it was her calling.

“Hey, where are you?” She asked.

“Hm, I think I’m close, but not sure.” He said. “Should be there soon. What do you need?”

How did he even know? Gwen asked herself. “Can you let me know when you’re here? I want to see you outside first.”

“What happened?” Blake asked, but he already knew. She was second guessing it all again. She did it too many times that week. 

“I just want to talk to you first, that’s all.” She sighed. Something in his tone wasn’t right, but she knew he was probably tired of her changing her mind. “Please?”

“Ok. We talk when I get there.” He definitely wasn’t too happy. His whole travel and trouble might just have been for nothing. 

“Ok.” They hang up.

Gwen ran back to her room and took that stupid red dress off. She changed into a regular t-shirt and jeans, and put on some other shoes, more comfortable ones. She was at her house, she didn’t need all of that, she just needed to be herself, like her mother had said. She also deleted the unkind and unasked for text message from her phone and decided she wasn’t going to text anything back, although she promised herself never to forget that. She was going to keep it in her memory forever, as an example of the things she wasn’t going to let get the best of her anymore. 

About 10 minutes later she got a text from Blake, saying he was at the gate. Gwen went downstairs and opened it for him, then she went outside. He was parking the car when she got there. She waited until he full stopped and then she got in the car. 

“Are we going to talk right here?” Blake was a little surprised, but it made sense that he wouldn’t even get out of the car if she was going to cancel everything. 

“Are you wearing a cologne?” She couldn’t help but laugh out loud. 

“Gwen?” He wasn’t in the mood for any jokes, unfortunately, because he really wanted to be able to laugh with her. “What is it?”

“I’m sorry.” She stopped laughing, imagining he was probably second guessing everything by now. “It’s because I’ve never seen you so neat. Your hair is brushed and all.”

“I know you’re nervous, but I’m too, ok?” Blake confessed and sighed. Yes, he had spent a fairly amount of time to get ready, he did things he normally wouldn’t care about, just to look a little more presentable. And he was also insecure and anxious. “And it wasn’t because of you, it’s because of your mom. I always want moms to like me.”

Gwen laughed again, this time he laughed with her. “Moms like you, silly.” She leaned forward so she could kiss him. They missed each other so much, it was like that first energy charge again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you more nervous about today, I just needed to sit out here with you for one second before we go in, ok?”

“You’re not canceling on me?” There he was, surprised again. 

“I won’t lie, I thought about it a lot.” Gwen confessed. “It’s not because of you, though. The house is a mess, the kids are a mess, I’m a mess. It’s too much to handle and I know it. And I don’t even think you ever wanted to have kids.” She remembered something they did together once —a interview or some other thing — where he said he wasn’t going to have kids. “No! You don’t have kids because we are dating, that is not what I was trying to say. I have kids, that’s it. But forget about kids. What I’m saying is—“

Blake noticed she was confusing both of them while trying to explain herself to him, so he tried to stop her. “Gwen, I—” 

She didn’t let him. “What I’m saying is… This is me, Blake. This mess, this chaos, this not so perfect life and not so flawless family. I promised myself that I’m going to be who I’m and that you’re going to walk in and see things as they really are, so it’s ok if you want to run after this dinner, I’ll give you a pass.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He almost didn’t let her finish. “I’m in love with you. I love who you are. Where else would I go? It doesn’t matter what’s behind that door or whatever I once thought my life would be. All that matters is right here.” Blake held one of her hands and squeezed it. “It’s you.” 

Gwen leaned forward once more, this time to hug him tight. She never thought she was going to feel that comfortable with someone ever again, but there she was, and Blake wasn’t just anyone, he was special and she loved him in every single possible way. 

“This is why I didn’t want to change my mind again.” She told him as they hugged each other. “You matter too, you know? And if you don’t change your mind, I’m never changing mine again.” She promised, but this time it was a very honest promise that was coming from her very heart. 

“I won’t change my mind” He promised too, breaking the hug to kiss her again. 

She kissed him back, but it was fast. “Ok, so let’s do this thing. My mom is probably freaking out with the 3 of them.”

Blake laughed. “Let’s do this.”

Gwen opened the car’s door and immediately was able to hear the crying and screaming that was happening inside of the house once again. She sighed. “Are you sure about it? There’s no coming back from it.” But when she turned back to look at him, Blake was holding a beautiful bouquet of colorful flowers, carefully wrapped together in a stunning arrangement.

“I’m sure about it.” He smiled at her as she grabbed her gift. 

“Oh my God, these are gorgeous.” She happily sighed while smelling her flowers. 

“I couldn’t show up empty handed, it’s not polite.” Blake joked. “These are from the garden, it was a nightmare to bring them here alive.” He said, and she thought that maybe the ranch life was even better than she could ever imagine. She would love to have a garden with those beautiful flowers. They both leaned forward to share another kiss, this time for a longer time, until another loud yelling sound came from the house and Gwen broke the kiss to sigh. “Let’s just go, ok? They will stop because they like me.” Blake joked again, but it was also true. 

“Uh, let’s see how long that lasts.” They both laughed and finally got out of the car to walk together to the front door, but she suddenly stopped in the middle of the way. “Hey, Blakey.” He turned to his side, to look at her. “I will finish the song.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. (:


	11. Real only happens once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, welcome to the end.  
> Thank you for following it until here. I’m sad and happy at the same time that this is ending, but I will probably be writing more stories for you guys, if you want me too. I really liked the experience. 
> 
> Well, enough said. Let’s go to what is really important, the final chapter. Hope you like it!

“So who’s going to be the first one to say something?” Gwen stared at the three kids around her on the couch. Zuma was sitting on her right side and Kingston to her left while baby Apollo sat on her lap, with his head and back resting on her chest, still a little sleepy.

It was a little after 7 o’clock, but the window on the little one’s room was wide open and the sun light was illuminating their reunion. The boys would always wake up around the same time, on a school day or weekends, so Gwen was used to waking up before them and getting everything ready for the first hours in the morning. That day was a different one though, she didn’t have anything ready but the things she needed to say in that conversation. 

“Why don’t you say something?” The older one inquired. “You were the one who asked for this family meeting before breakfast, so it’s your turn.” He stated, making his mom laugh. And he was right, it was all her idea and she was the only one who had confessions to make. 

“Ok, fair enough.” She sighed, still smiling. “I just wanted to know what you guys thought about last night’s dinner.” 

“I loved it!” Zuma smiled big and barely let her finish her question. “Blake is so fun.”

“I know, right?” Gwen laughed. Her son’s reaction and immediate honest answer was so precious. Zuma was always kind and caring to everybody, and she was really proud of that.

“Blake is really cool.” Kingston also smiled. 

“Bwaky” Apollo babbled. 

So there it was, her chance to change the last conversation they had about him, but it was the most difficult thing she had to do and although she planned it and knew what she wanted to say, she still got really nervous. “So, I’m sorry I had to lie to you the other day, King.” She started that way. “Lying is a very bad thing, we should never do that, this is why we’re having this conversation today and I’m being honest. We always have to tell the truth to each other, it’s what makes us strong as a family.” 

“I knew it.” The older boy said.

“What did you lie about?” The middle one was confused. As for Apollo, he wasn’t even paying attention. 

“King asked me if I was dating Blake and I said no, but it was a lie.” Gwen slowly explained, being as transparent and honest as she could be. “I lied because I was scared and I wanted to talk to all of you about it in a conversation like this, but I shouldn’t have lied, lying is wrong, so the truth is Blake is mommy’s boyfriend.” She finished making it even more clear, just in case any of them were confused. 

Zuma frowned and his curious eyes investigated his mother’s face. “I thought dad was your boyfriend.”

“But they got divorced.” Kingston corrected him. “That means they don’t like each other anymore.”

“That doesn’t mean exactly that.” Although she needed to explore that subject and fulfill their curiosity, it was a really delicate and fragile thing to talk about, specially with a seven years old like Zuma. But she promised them honesty, and that’s what they were going to get from her throughout the whole conversation. “It means we’re not husband and wife anymore, but we still have you and we will always love you, both of us.” 

“But you don’t love him anymore?” The middle one was still staring at her and it seemed like he was finally starting to understand all the sudden changes in his life on the past few months. The math was confusing, but it was finally making sense. 

“No.” Gwen was honest again. “I don’t love him that way anymore, but this is another kind of conversation, for when you’re older. It’s an adult thing, so don’t worry about it. The only important thing is that we’re still here for you, me and your father.” She wasn’t sure if that was the right way to go or if she was saying the right things, but she was following her heart and making sure they knew the truth about everything that was going on with her, even things she had been too afraid to talk about before.

“It’s ok, mom.” King placed one of his hands on her shoulder, proceeding to lightly stroke her arm as if he needed to comfort her some way. “We love Blake.”

Gwen’s face and eyes got really soft and her heart felt like it was overflowing with love and happiness. “It’s so good to hear that.” She sighed with relief. “So, is it ok if Blake comes over again today and we all hang out at the pool in the afternoon?” 

“Really?” Zuma’s eyes widened and they were sparkling with surprise and excitement. 

“If that’s ok with you guys.” She exchanged looks between the two older ones.

“Yeah, we’d like that.” Kingston smiled. “Right, Zums?”

“Yes, we’d love that!” The middle boy celebrated throwing his hands in the air.

“Ok, so I want you boys to go change and brush your teeth while me and Apollo are going to go downstairs and make some pancakes for breakfast.” Gwen stood up and tucked Apollo in her arms. The baby was still a little sleepy. “Get your rooms tidy while you’re at it. You have to be good boys and help me now, ok?”

“Ok, mom.” They both agreed.

She smiled. Gwen was finally completely free and had no more regrets or secrets kept from the people she loved the most. The conversation with her sons was comforting and easier than she thought it would be, although the best part was when after she felt as if a huge weight had lifted from her back and shoulders. She was even feeling physically lighter and better, and things seemed like they were finally going back to normal. Or even better, her new normal, which was exceeding all expectations.

***

A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER —

The early morning mist was giving the backyard a mysterious look as the sun was rising on the light blue sky. The dawn of the day was silent that morning, Los Angeles seemed to be quiet and peaceful, but maybe the reason was because all they could see from there was the hills and the top of the tall trees. 

Blake and Gwen were back to where they seemed to have always been in the beginning, that rented house where he used to stay when he was working there. On the same spot, sitting on the hardwood floors on the long hallway, in front of the big windows with an open view to the backyard. This time there’re no alcoholic drinks on anyone’s hands, just two big coffee mugs as they were both wrapped in their morning robes. They were sitting side by side, watching as the new day started and the weak sun rays were getting stronger and hotter. It was supposed to be a regular autumn Monday, in which the kids were with their father and Gwen had all the time in the world to spend with her other favorite person, but it wasn't quite as ordinary as it should be.

“Will people hate us?” Her question was only a whisper as she rested her head on his arm. He was too tall for her to reach his shoulders. 

“Why do you think they will hate us?” He turned his head to look at her, but she was facing the windows and staring at something in the backyard. “They have nothing to do with it. It’s none of their business.”

“I know. I’m insecure, I guess.” She confessed. “I feel like we’re about to expose ourselves to something overwhelming, you know?” They looked at each other and Blake nodded. “People are already talking about us since they aired the blinds, and now with the live shows starting tonight, it will be worst.” Gwen sighed and he threw his right arm around her, bringing her closer to his body.

“Let them talk.” He whispered. “They don’t know anything.” And tightened his embrace around her as she laid her head on his chest.

His soothing and caring voice was enough to make her feel better, although she couldn’t stop thinking about it. “From now on people will judge us, they’ll say we’re rebounding, they’ll accuse us of being in a fake relationship for the show, they’ll question our love and chemistry, they’ll say we’re too different from each other and that this can’t possibly work.” Gwen pointed the problems they were about to face and tilted her head back to look at him from a better angle. “But we won’t listen.” 

“We won’t listen.” Blake agreed. “We’re past the point of doubting what we feel and our reasons, so we’re safe now. Our families know, the kids know. Other people don’t matter.” 

“There’re going to be people who will understand and cherish our love too.” She said. They were staring at each other now. “We can slowly show them it’s positive and real. They will celebrate with us and pray for us.”

“Yeah. I think everyone who knows us will know it’s real.” Blake eliminated the distance between their faces to tenderly kiss her lips. Gwen’s eyes closed for a second and as soon as she opened them, she stared into his blue ones. They were bright and kind as always, but they had a different sparkle that morning, some mix between pure happiness and excitement. “Real only happens once.” 

She smiled as soon as she noticed his certainty. That’s what it was in his eyes. He was certain.  
Her smile was more than only her lips, it was her heart too. It had been a long time since she felt such joy. He had brought the light and the happiness right back to her life when he walked in. Gwen reached her right hand to touch his face and traced his jaw line with the tip of her fingers, the way she always liked to do. It was as if she needed to learn every inch of him, to remember in details when he was away. “Since you’re my real one, can you promise me something?” 

“I can promise you whatever you want.” Blake said. His eyes were completely lost in hers. It was getting easier to read her with everyday that they would spend together. She wasn’t so lost and confused anymore and, although she was still healing, she was more free then ever, he could see it in her eyes. And, oh, how he loved those eyes. 

“Promise me we’ll be honest.” She asked, still looking into his blue eyes. “On the big things, of course, but the little things too.” Gwen held Blake’s hand and they intertwined their fingers as if by instinct, touching and caressing each other’s skin. “Everything will always be ok if we both know the truth, so can you promise me the truth?”

He looked at her calmly and one of his hands went up to brush a strand of hair out of her face. His brief silence had nothing to do with any doubt or apprehension. He was ready to promise her his forever if she wanted him to. “I promise you the truth every single day of our lives.” Blake had never felt that urge to care for someone like that. Not how he felt when it came to Gwen. 

Her dark brown eyes sparkling and embellishing the smile she had on her lips were the sign he needed to know his words were enough to translate what his heart was feeling. She felt nothing but honesty from him, and it was something she was used to when it came to Blake. “I promise you the truth too.” Comfortable and as happy as ever, Gwen snuggled to his chest again, going back to watching the sunrise outside.

They stared through the big windows and into the light blue sky in silence for a couple of minutes. The morning mist was already completely gone and the sun was getting stronger. Blake’s free hand was stroking Gwen’s hair and hers was resting on his shoulder. They’re still embraced in a hug, just the way they were a few months ago, on the same spot. The difference was the reality of their relationship and the fact that their feelings had changed into something more intense. Not only how they felt about each other, but how it affected their lives too. Looking back at the beginning, neither of them could imagine they had that kind of true love waiting for them on the other side, after the pain and the heartbreak. For a good amount of time, they both thought their lives were over and nothing else good was supposed to happen, yet there they were, beating the odds together, living the true love they always wanted to believe in, and being the living proof that it’s never too late to be happy and free. 

“So, will you stay then?” Blake whispered, still playing with her hair.

“Forever.” She whispered back, caressing his arms. 

“Forever.” He happily agreed before leaning over to kiss the back of her head. 

***

MAY 2020 —

“So we need to take the plant out of the pot like this.” Blake’s skillful hands worked precisely, removing the flowers from it’s original place and showing it to the three curious pair of eyes who were watching him with amazed stares. “Then we dig a hole. It needs to be as deep as the root ball that your flowers have.” As he was showing them, and Kingston, Zuma and Apollo were actively listening and repeating his steps while they sat on the dirt beside him. “Now we fill the space around it with dirt and fertilizer and we gotta give it a little pinch, like this.” He showed how and the boys followed him.

“Why do we have to pinch the flower? That’s rude.” Apollo looked confused and made the other ones laugh. 

“It’s just so it wakes up and starts to build it’s roots underground.” Blake explained. “Now you have to plant all of those so we have a full beautiful garden to be on Mother’s Day, next weekend.”

“Oh no, mom’s coming.” The older one discreetly pointed in the direction of the house with his head and they all turned their faces that way.

Gwen was slowly walking the long way from the lake house to where they were. She was wearing a simple t-shirt and shorts, and her hair was up in a messy bun. Nothing but her lake house style in spring. “I will distract her. You guys keep the good work.” Blake said.

“Ok” The boys agreed as if they were a team trying to keep a big secret. 

He walked up to meet her halfway, so she wasn’t close enough to see in what they’re working on, but in a safe distance from where she could notice that the boys were doing something productive with their free time. 

“What are you guys doing?” She asked once he was close enough.

He didn’t answer right away, first his lips looked for hers and they touched a couple of times, softly, as if he was exploring their texture and tasting her mouth again and again, until her tongue invaded his lips and looked for something different. She tasted like fresh coffee and mint and smelled like her usual scent, the one he had always loved since day one and was still in love with.  
Just like that Blake cleared her mind from whatever she as thinking or asking, and Gwen wasn’t mad about it. She broke the kiss a couple of seconds after, but didn’t even know what she came all the way there to say. 

“They’re just taking care of the garden.” He told her, just so she wouldn’t have to ask again later.

“Ok, lunch is almost ready. I think they need to get cleaned up before that.” She tried to peek over his shoulder and Blake laughed. “What?” She poked his shoulder.

“Nothing” But he couldn’t stop laughing at her. He was a good secret keeper, but he knew she could take it from him whenever she wanted if she was invested enough, so he really needed to distract her. “Hey, look at this.” Blake pulled her to his front, giving her a clear view of the lake further ahead. “What do you see?”

Gwen could see a lot of things from there. She could see the grass growing strong and greener than ever because of the season, she could see the almost white sand on the lakeshore, she was able to see her three kids very focused on taking care of the garden, she could also see the sun light reflecting on the lake’s waters. It was difficult to know exactly what he was talking about. “I see a lot of things, what do you see?”

Blake's arms affectionately wrapped around her from behind, and he leaned forward to rest his chin on her shoulder. “I see our future.” He whispered in her ear. “Calm and perfect like this lake’s waters. I see the kids growing to love the country life and to take care of the nature. But more than anything, I see me and you, and that’s the thing, when I look into the future, I always see you.” He paused for a second and she waited in silence. “There’s no future without you.”

She frowned. “You don’t need to picture a future without me. I’ll always be here.” Gwen turned around to face him. It didn’t matter how many years they’re together, the sight of her like that, so close to him, would always take his breath away. “We said forever a long time ago.” She placed her arms over his shoulders and entwined them behind his neck. “We are building a house together, the one you’ve always dreamed off in Tishomingo. You said you wanted to build a home there for your family.”

“You and the boys are my family.” Blake smiled. “The one I always wanted to build and care for. I didn’t know it was going to be like this, but it’s perfect just the way it is.” He confessed. What was supposed to be a distraction, ended up being a heartfelt way of telling her what he had in his heart for her and their family. Blake wasn’t making anything up, is was legitimately what he felt every day.

“I love you so much.” Gwen couldn’t help but say. She had so much love, respect and appreciation for him that sometimes if felt like it was too much and it had to escape, overflowing from her eyes. She felt them watering right away. 

He knew her for a long time now, and better than anyone else. It was enough to know those were happy tears. All Blake did was hug her and place many kisses on her face and lips. “I love you too. You and our family are all I need. That’s what I’m saying.”

And that was all that needed to be said. Blake turned Gwen around again as soon as she stopped crying, and they faced the lake another time. They couldn’t help but think that the calm waters really were the perfect metaphor for the love they felt and how far they had come. It was easy and peaceful now, but it wasn't always that way, they had a troubled start needing to overcome traumas from old relationships and even regain love and respect for themselves, but they had already come that far together and still planned to achieve many other things.  
The flowers in the garden also could represent their love and relationship. It needed to be cared for and cherished every single day, but it was something they both did with pleasure and a lot of affection. Despite having known and loving each other for many years now, they both liked to think that it was just the beginning of their love history and that each achievement was just a new finished chapter, but with many, many other blank pages to write on still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s it for this one, guys.  
> Hope you liked it. If you have a second, please let me know.  
> Thank you so much for reading it until the end.


End file.
